This just in...

You guys. The medical world is amazing. We are 11 weeks along - last week we were (obviously) 10 weeks and during our appointment Erin had her blood drawn for a standard chromosome test and today we learned that WE ARE HAVING A GIRL (and that there aren't any chromosome abnormalities)! 

Erin got a call. She was nice enough to tell the nurse that she wanted to wait to find out the news until we were together. So I rushed home after work - to her work and we opened an email. Alisha was there and caught it on video. 

This is what we read

We texted Kolby right away. He's over the moon! And then we reached out to our parents. I think Erin's dad is the most excited of all - it's adorable. His baby girl is having a baby girl. <3

It seems fitting that we found out that we're having a baby girl just hours before the Presidential Debate featuring Hillary Clinton - the first female presidential nominee. Incredible. I am confident that our baby girl is going to be born into a country where women and girls can be President of the United States because I believe a woman will be the President (go Hillary!) I believe our baby will live in a world and in a country that will support her dreams. I believe women and girls will be safer because I believe that our generation is raising kids, both boys and girls, to treat women and girls with more respect than ever before and as equals - because we are!

We are wondering who she is going to be - what will drive and motivate her. We wonder about her aspirations and the things that will annoy her. We hope her moms don't annoy her - at least not too much. We wonder what it will be like in our home on nights like tonight with another little person hanging out with us. We wonder about how our lives will change and about the love we know we will feel. We wonder if she'll like the ocean as much as the mountains and if she'll prefer piano music over rugby. Is she athletic or musical or tech savvy or into working with her hands? Maybe all or some or none of the above. Whoever she is and whatever she likes we hope to give her all the love and guidance she needs to be the person she is meant to be.

We already love our daughter. OH MY GOSH I AM GOING TO HAVE A DAUGHTER! She is already changing my life!

Poppy is a girl. Holy moly, poppy is a girl!

(Erin is freaking out saying 'we have a daughter' 'my daughter' 'daughter, daughter, daughter' - and it's the cutest!)

10 weeks down, 30(ish) to go

This week has been quite spectacular. We heard Poppy's heartbeat (which continues to make me awe struck!) and we have been flooded with love and support from others after making our news public. We have engaged in many conversations where people express their hope, faith and confidence in our ability to raise a person. It's beyond nice to have people around us that believe in us so much - and who will be there to help us along the way. It's no question that we will continue to rely on our village when Poppy is born and we feel lucky and extremely blessed that baby will be fiercely loved and cared for by the people in our lives! What a lucky baby!

Today we start week 11. Erin is starting to feel 'fuller'. Last night as she was getting into bed she had to change her sweatpants into a pair that had a looser waistband. Her nausea has subsided quite a bit and her appetite continues to be incredible! She has extremely vivid dreams - most are hilarious and make absolutely no sense. Last night she dreamt that she cut her legs off because she wanted to be a starfish. Every morning I wait to hear about the ridiculous things that went through her mind while I was sound asleep!

Week 8 vs Week 11

Aside from the pregnancy stuff we wonder what the world will be like when Poppy is old enough to be do things without his/her moms. There was another shooting last night - not too far from our home in Seattle. We were watching the news and we learned that 4 people were killed. I was sad - and my thoughts immediately went to Poppy. I wish the world was more worthy of housing our child - and all the other children that are and that are coming.

We have collectively messed things up. There is far too much fear and hate and entitlement - and way too often we pass the blame to someone else. I have been motivated to do my part in making the world a better place and spreading love and light as often as possible - it's part of my make up. I am more motivated now. I am motivated by my Poppy.  I don't exactly what to do - but I'll do my best!

I hope we can all take responsibility to what's happening in our country and in our communities and do what we can to make a difference. Think of others better. Speak of others better. Treat others better. Learn about someone different that you. Keep an open heart. And do you best at loving and forgiving yourself.

Heartbeat

Today we heard the heartbeat. THE HEARTBEAT. There is a person growing in Erin's belly and it already has a tiny little heart that is beating.  Incredible.

We finally made the social media announcement today. The amount of love and support we've been shown in the last couple hours has been incredible. I've wanted to tell people for awhile now - it's my nature to share things with people - but I was a bit nervous to share this because of fear of judgement from people in my life, particularly people back home. On the other hand the fear of the judgement makes me want to shout it from the rooftops to get it over with. It seems my fear wasn't necessary - it seems fear is never necessary - there has been nothing but love, support and excitement!

After our appointment we went to Starbucks to celebrate - although must of the celebration was done in silence. It seemed we were both stuck in our own thoughts as we exchanged awkward little giggles. It's obvious we were both in shock. Today made everything real. We are having a baby!

This baby is already so deeply loved. This baby has been thought of and planned for for longer than Erin and I have been together. Being a mother is something I have wanted longer than anything in my life - and today I heard my baby's heartbeat. It is something I will never forget.

I loved little Poppy before this morning but my love for little Poppy has grown 100x since hearing that fast thud over and over again.

Cheers.

Poppy is a kumquat

We are at the start of week 10 and Poppy is the size of a kumquat. It's incredible that just 4 weeks ago Poppy was the size of a poppy seed. This week baby already has most of the vital organs. Mind blown. Pregnancy and how we all came to be is more of a miracle than anything I know of.

Erin is feeling okay. She is tired and sometimes she's nauseous. But goodness, no complaints! We have heard horror stories of people we know - people who are sick - like so, so sick their entire pregnancy. Erin continues to work, workout and hang out with me. Her appetite is off the charts and I think it's cute. She told me she ate an entire pizza for dinner and was still hungry afterwards. haha. Keep eating, girl!

We are totally getting our home ready for baby. Today we filled up our Honda Element to the brim with stuff and took it to Goodwill. We are on a serious purge to make room for baby. It feels nice to rid our closets and corners and drawers of things we don't need. My body feels different, Erin's too - we feel lighter - and being in our house feels much better!

Last night was pretty funny. Erin woke me up and told me she thought she was feeling Poppy move. She put my hand on her belly. I didn't feel anything at first - she told me to put my hand on her belly again. I felt something! I was so excited. I fell asleep with my hand on her belly and thoughts of what little Poppy was doing in there. When I woke up this morning I looked on google "feeling your baby at 10 weeks pregnant." Turns out I didn't feel Poppy at all. I felt gas bubbles. I got super excited about gas bubbles. Awesome.

We have our first doctors appointment on Tuesday morning. I am so eager! I mean, all we really have to know that we're pregnant is a pregnancy test. It will be nice to hear the words, "YOU'RE PREGNANT!" from a doctor. Although I doubt it'll be said with the kind of excitement that I'm currently imagining.

My pregnant wife is tired and wants me to snuggle her. I better go. We only have a six months left of baby free snuggles. OH MY GOD I am so excited for nights of wife and baby snuggles! I could die!

Until next week, or maybe until Tuesday after our appointment, I love you little kumquat!

At least Poppy will be cute

Turns out I am obsessed with every baby thing I look at. I'm obsessed with little socks and shoes and baby swings and little mittens - oh my goodness, little mittens. I might die. It's quite possible that we go broke when Poppy is born but at least baby will have cute little mittens (and every other adorable baby thing I can't help myself from buying). 

Last weekend we went to Babies R Us to push around strollers and look at carseats. I loved being in that store around all the baby stuff and all the new parents or soon to be parents. GAHHHH! I wanted to hug every single person. I also wanted to plead with all of them to teach their son and/or daughter to be kind. I hope Poppy becomes friends with nice kids. I hope Poppy is a nice kid.

It was cute when we found a stroller we liked. We sat down by it and looked at all the little functions and then tried to fold it up with one hand. When we found a carseat/ carrier we picked it up, swung it around and imagined how easy it'd be to get it in and out of our two cars.  We sat in rockers and imagined holding and singing songs to Poppy.  I hope I can convince Erin to spend our weekly date nights at Babies R Us for the rest of our lives. :) 

Poppy is now the size of a cocktail olive - and it already has arms and legs, tooth buds and most of the organs have started to develop. Erin is feeling better. She eats a lot and feels like she could sleep every minute of the day but the nausea feeling is gone and there is absolutely no baby bump. Goll, I am so eager for that to show up. Erin is still working all day and working out - it's quite inspiring to watch her. 

Until week 10, we're out. 

I love you, Poppy. 

A delicious raspberry

Week 8. Poppy is the size of a giant raspberry. Yum. I kind of want to go to the store and buy some - is that creepy?

Erin feels sick in the morning - not bad - a little nauseous sometimes but she still does everything she needs/wants to do. She works full days ON HER FEET making people feel beautiful and continues to workout on the regular.

She has mood swings and I'm normally on the losing end of those - but whatever, they're mild and I hear that should only last a few more weeks AND it will be worth it if they mean I get to have a baby! And seriously, if I had a little thing growing in me I'd probably be moody, too.

Erin hasn't grown much, if at all. I don't know about her but I am very much so looking forward to her baby bump. I think it'll make it seem more real. I am eager to be able to put my hand on her belly and feel Poppy move. I get chills thinking about it. Right this minute Erin is sitting next to me - she is reading and growing a baby. Her body is the most incredible thing in the world - it can grow a human life. Wild. I sometimes stare at Erin - and try and figure out how it's all happening - how she can be growing a baby while we're having a conversation or while we're sleeping or while we're just doing every day stuff. It's totally wild.

Week 6 vs Week 8

This last week has been a special one. My mom was here - she came for my doctors appointment - and the good news received at the appointment has given me freedom -a freedom I didn’t fully realize I lost until it returned. I am confident I’ll continue to learn from the last two months - two months that felt like an eternity in a lot of ways. My heart is beating at a normal rate. I haven't gone to sleep nervous the last few nights. On Wednesday night I went to sleep with my hand over my heart - grateful to feel it beat. I repeated to myself aloud and then silently that I am healthy and strong. 

Thursday I woke up with more energy than I ever remember feeling. I was giddy - giddy about life and giddy thinking about Poppy. I wrestled with Harley first thing and went for a run - that turned into a walk. My knees are still bothering me - but I know they are bothering me because they aren’t strong - not because my body is eating away at them. I cried on my walk. I listed the things that I am grateful for. My body, my spirit, my mind - the last two months, even - and the opportunity I'll have of being a mother. The last two months gave me insight on better, more meaningful ways to love and care for myself - lessons I intend to teach baby. 

Yesterday our friends really helped us prepare. We went to Julians 1st birthday and then spent 6-7 hours with baby Oliver. We had a great time and found more confidence in our mothering abilities. :)

Until week 9 - when our baby is the size of a martini olive. :)