1 Year Old

I am weepy and I haven't really said anything yet. Just thinking about the last year has the (grateful and where the heck has the last year gone) tears rolling. My baby girl had her 1st birthday on Tuesday. One year ago from right now I had a 4 day old baby. A year ago from now I was in shock, I was overwhelmed and felt way in over my head. I was in love - in love with Jette but mostly in love with Erin. She had just done the most incredible thing I had ever been apart of - and I'm not just talking about the birth, although she was wonder woman during it, - she was incredible the entire pregnancy.

It took me a few weeks, maybe a few months, to let my new normal settle in. I thought I had prepared my entire life to me a mom but I quickly learned that I was ill prepared. I mean, we had all the stuff and I had more love for my new baby than I knew what to do with but let's get real, I missed Erin at first. I didn't anticipate the changes that would occur in our relationship. When baby came focus (obviously) changed. Our pregnancy was one of the most beautiful times of our relationship. We spent more time together than usual. We planned and prepared for baby and talked about every little thing. I was in constant awe of Erin as she cared for herself and our little nugget she was growing inside of her. I knew she'd be the best mom because of the way she cared for herself during the pregnancy. And I was right. From the first second Jette arrived (actually, not the first second because Erin was passed out. She woke up about 30 seconds after J arrived) Erin has been the very best mom.

Jette has obviously changed our dynamic and yeah, it was an adjustment at first. But you guys, being a mom is the coolest thing I have ever done and I feel confident it is the coolest thing I will ever do.

I have learned so much about myself. I am a better person in a lot of ways. It's incredible how this little human has influenced me even though she isn't able to speak. It feels my life has a bigger purpose. I am more committed to find and amplify the good in myself and others because I hope so much that Jette will do the same. I get excited to show her new things. I rush home at the end of the day so I can hang out with her as long as I can before she goes to sleep.

So what's new with her? She is walking and saying a couple words. Mama and dog for sure. We gave her a little basketball hoop for her birthday and she already knows where the ball goes (and I die every time). Her favorite toys seems to be socks and cardboard boxes. She has 7 or 8 teeth. She continues to be a great eater. She started swim lessons - has had 3 so far - and seems to like it. She spent last weekend in Utah with my family and loved being with her cousins, aunts, uncles and grandparents. I loved watching her with all of them. It certainly made me miss home and wish that Jette had cousins closer.

This last year has been the best, most challenging, most rewarding, self reflective year I've had yet. I am thankful for it. I am thankful for the opportunity to be Jette's mom. I am thankful I get to do it with Erin. I'm excited to continue to get to know Jette and learn all of the things she has to teach me.

Sooo - happy 1st birthday to my baby girl. My birthday wish for her is that she will continue to learn and grow and shine. I am eager for the memories that we'll make and I'm excited to see how our relationship develops and grows. I love you.

A few pictures of our trip to Utah.

My mom has been asking Erin to give her a Chelsea haircut for a few years now. Finally happened.

Addi and Ben teaching J how to be a big kid

Kolby's family came to the party to spend time with us. Jette is a lucky baby to have a 3rd set of grandparents!

My sibs on our walk to church. I love them.

Missing mom and Jess but loved this day at the park

CAKE SMASH!

11 Months

Jette is 11 months and a week old and she has officially won me over. I mean, she did before now but it's different. We joke, we play hide and seek and our own version of tag. I can teach her things like how to turn around to go down the stairs and then she does it (and she teaches me things like how to get excited about nearly everything). She took 3 steps yesterday without holding on to anything. Erin and I freaked out. We were beaming with pride! I am so glad we were both there to see it.

She dances, she claps, she falls forward on the pillows, love sac and couch. She lets me know when she wants to go outside to her swing. She does a pretty impressive downward dog and points at every single thing and say's , 'eh?' It seems she's asking what everything is. She likes lights and is obsessed with dogs and cats. She eats at the table with us and seems to like most everything we eat. To put simply, Jette is a bright light in our home and in my heart.

We went to church this morning. We found a church close by - Eastlake Community Church - and I love it. Today the discussion was about the resurrection - not so much Christ resurrecting but how it is possible for us to resurrect every single day. I love the concept and it feels so relevant to me in my life right now. Put the old away and step into my current full and whole self. Love it (and so thankful we've found a place that feels welcoming and safe) So in the vein of it being Easter I have a wish for Jette. My wish for her is that she is exactly who she is and is confident in it. And then when who she is changes - or ideas/beliefs of hers change my wish for her that she steps into that. I hope she’s always exactly who she is and I hope that I can help provide a space for her that supports her ever changing self.

Saying I love being Jette's mom is the understatement of the year. It was hard at first - didn’t know if I was cut out for it for a little while - but now I am completely into it - more than Ive been into anything. That little human has taught me more than anyone else. She absolutely makes me a better person. She motivates and inspires me. And goodness gracious, she makes me laugh!

I can hardly believe that next month marks 1 year. Wow!