June 26

Today will always be a special day. It is my brothers wedding anniversary AND it is the anniversary  of the day the Supreme Court ruled to recognize same sex marriages.

I was at my parents house right outside of Salt Lake City when I learned the news. I was about to get ready for my brothers wedding. My dad was watching the news. Something caught my ear. I went and watched and listened. I couldn't believe it. Tears started streaming down my face. My dad was crying too. He asked how I was feeling - I couldn't talk. Erin came up and sat by me. Nils, my brother who was getting married in a couple hours, came and put his arm around me. He congratulated us. I completely broke down. I had the legal right to be married. I don't know if I'll ever be able to express what that morning felt like. I was, and continue to be, so grateful!

Hours after we learned our upcoming marriage would be legally recognized

Now, two years later, I am happily married and feel safe and for the most part, cheered on by my community. Aside from being white, I think a lot of that security comes from the ruling that took place two years ago - and I remain thankful!  Also - I must say, I realize I am lucky to live in WA and not all same sex families share that comfort.

To add to the specialness of today this last weekend was Pride. We didn't join many of the Pride festivities - I was a jerk and brought home a cold from Boston and gave it to Erin. She got the brunt of it during the weekend AND it was 90 degrees Sunday - a bit too hot to take Jette out. We made it to part of Farq and Kristi's party for a bit and then to Capitol Hill for nearly an hour and called it good. Although this was my least festive Pride, I've never felt so proud! Proud to be me and proud of me, proud of my marriage and proud of our new little family! It was taken my entire life to get where I am - I still have a long way to go but truth be told I like where I am!


I am proud of me! I have worked through most of that damn gay Mormon shame to the point it hardly creeps up anymore. I know who I am. I love and believe in myself. I push myself personally and professionally. I am committed to justice and fairness and am firm in my belief of humanity. If I weren't me, I would want to be my friend.

I'm proud of my marriage! Erin and I have worked hard! Together we make and accomplish goals. We are still trying to master communication - we probably always will be - and we're kind to each other when we slip up a bit. We are a great team. We talk about hard and uncomfortable things while always making time for fun and laughter (Erin has taught me a lot about fun and laughter)!
I am proud of our family! We are learning as we go. Parenting seems to be a lot about trial and error - not only with Jette but with me and Erin, too. And we're figuring it out!

Jette is awesome. She is talkative, she smiles a lot, TODAY SHE (accidentally) ROLLED OVER FOR THE FIRST TIME, she loves it when we sing to her, she is sleeping 10ish hours a night, she has learned to breast feed without the nipple shield, her head is big enough to wear headbands (and I freak out every time we put one of her) and she is starting to hold her head up. When I leave for work  I ask her not to change too much before I get home but she does. It seems she is changing by the hour.

What else - Sara, Emily and Harlowe left this week. They are moving to Macminville which is awesome for them and sucks for us. Sara is my longest friend in Seattle and one of the best people on the planet. I will miss that adorable family and already look forward to our visits.

We've had several friends visit Thailand in the last few months. Their stories confirmed our desire to visit and prompted us to purchase tickets. We are headed to Thailand in February - with the baby! I'm looking forward to the next several months of planning!

I think I hit the highlights of the week. More than anything I wanted to highlight the gratitude I've been feeling for where I am in my life. I am thankful for the progress our country has made (while realizing we have so much further to go). I am thankful beyond description that my marriage is recognized and that Jette is mine. I feel committed to pay it forward - perhaps in honor of all the people who fought for the rights I enjoy but never got to have them themselves. I stand on the shoulders of so many people. I try to live my life showing my immense gratitude.

Until next week, enjoy a dance from my little Jetters!

8 Weeks Old

I need to block out time on my calendar to update this thing. It's ridiculous that 21 days have passed since my last entry! Busy is an understatement AND when I'm not doing something I am staring at Jette, giving Harley some attention or trying to remember who Erin is. Luckily, she helps remind me. 😊

Jette has changed so much! It seems she changes a bit everyday. Sometimes, when I'm bored, I will scroll through pictures of the last 8 weeks and notice how she has totally grown up. She is more alert, smiles all the time, she's finding her voice and she's sleeping 8-10 hours at night. Yeah, we know we are lucky and that the sleep thing isn't normal. :)

After coming from Utah we hung out for about a week and got Jette her 2 month (at 6 weeks) shots before getting on another plane heading to Boston. We explored Boston for a couple days then went to Chathem and Provincetown for the weekend. It was incredible. We stayed right on the beach and got to introduce Jette to the Atlantic Ocean! After a couple days Erin and Jette dropped me off at Harvard before they left to go home. Erin was brave enough to take 7 week old Jette on a 5.5 hour flight by herself.  Once again, she's a champ!

The Harvard program was something else! The Seattle Chamber of Commerce sent me and 9 others from the area to represent Seattle in a cross collaboration/ collective impact boot camp. We stayed on campus at the business school and worked from sun up to sun down. It was insane and insanely cool! I am confident I walked away with lifelong friends AND strategy/ world changing partners! It was good to get home though - I didn't anticipate missing my girls so much but man, I missed them!

I started a new job on June 1st. That's been a shift and something I'll get into more detail as time goes on. Change is always good - but a lot of change at once is sometimes hard to manage. I think I'm doing fairly okay - most of the time. Erin might disagree. :)

Father's Day was last Sunday. As per usual I felt a lot of overwhelming gratitude for my dad and Erin's dad too but this year was different. I wished that Kolby lived closer so I could express myself in person. I felt so grateful to him for helping us make Jette and even more grateful for his willingness to be her dad. I adore our little modern family!

We got together with all of the families we received our pregnancy care with. Oh man, I love these people and feel so glad and confident in our future because we are raising babies at the same time these folks are! And, asa bonus, all of their kiddos are to die for!  Jette was especially loving resting on Vera's shoulder!

Parenting is still awesome AND hard. It's hard in ways I didn't anticipate. There's a lot that I'm feeling about raising a white baby and I sometimes get overwhelmed. I can't write a lot about this because my thoughts are so scattered - all I know is that it isn't right Jette has and will continue to have more privilege and more opportunity than black babies. I mean, of course I want her to have every opportunity and I want her to feel safe and supported AND I want that for all babies. People like Charleena Lyles, a 30 yr old black woman who was a mom of 4 was shot by Seattle police officers a few days ago - and all the other black folks who have been killed by the police - and all my black friends who live with more fear than I ever will because of the color of their skin makes parenting feel particularly important and sometimes hard due to the desire of wanting to do it right! I realize that the change our country needs is a generation of kids to destroy the racial divisions and tensions we currently have. I want to teach Jette to love everyone and to recognize her privilege while elevating others. Perhaps modeling that behavior is the way to teach her. More thoughts about this later.

On a lighter note we aren't overly tired because Jette is a great sleeper - we were told over and over again that that would be the hardest part. I'd say the hardest part (besides all the heavy stuff) is not having time with Erin. Or having different time with her. Before Jette was here we were so connected - in a way that we hadn't ever been before. There is a kind of magic before a baby is born. Don't get me wrong - it is magic still - just a different kind. I mean Jette is a miracle and I'm in a constant state of awestruck. I guess the best way to say what I'm trying to say is that I am still adjusting to parenting and how to maintain a good sense of self, my relationship with Erin and my relationship with Jette while learning a new job all at the same time. It feels like a lot AND I'm grateful for all of it! No matter what piles on the plate and no matter the lack of time I feel I have I'll strive to count my many, many blessings. 

I feel so lucky to be Jette's mom and I'm so glad to get to do it with Erin!