Poppy has Hair

Goodness gracious, pregnancy goes slow -16 weeks down, 24 to go and not a lot to show for it. Erin still doesn't have a baby bump and she continues to feel great. Sometimes I wish she'd feel (just a little) sick so I knew something was growing in there - either that or a baby bump but let's be honest, I have more of a baby bump than my pregnant wife. All I want is a little bit of daily confirmation that Poppy is in her belly or something. :)

This morning we pulled out the pregnancy book and learned that Poppy is growing hair all over her body, her heart is pumping 25 quarts of blood throughout her body everyday and she's beginning to hear us - which is so cool! Story time is now going to be apart of our daily ritual! One of the high lights of my week is learning about the weekly developments and this week is particularly special because I learned she can hear me. I love her so much already and now I won't hesitate to tell her. :) 

Aside from these short and mostly anticlimactic details there isn't much to report with Poppy or Erin. But there updates with other parts of our lives.

Baby Nils is doing great! He is home and is acting like a normal baby. I didn't realize how scary the first couple hours of his life were until recently. Nils told me every detail about a week ago - he almost lost his little boy. Nils Wooly nearly died. But now he is home and his parents are over-the- moon - they are nervous and it seems they are cautiously optimistic - and they are over-the-moon! I have received photos nearly everyday and I gotta say it, that baby is beautiful!

A few other things - Poppy has attended her first Seahawks and UW Football game. She has experienced her first Markeson Halloween party and Kelsey's 30th birthday! No matter what we do there seems to be a comment made about how next year or the next time we'll have a baby. Goodness, I long to hold her and have her here. Like right this moment it's so fun to think about a little babe asleep or screaming in my arms or hanging out in a swing or something. I don't know what it'll be like but I know my world is about to be rocked!

Next week will have more content. Curtis is getting married on Saturday (I CAN'T BELIEVE IT!!!)!!! And then, 3 days after the wedding is election night. I hope to have a gigantic party that night and then carry on (knowing that we are going to have the first female POTUS)!

Week 15 - and Erin's got moves!

This pretty much says it all!

A letter to Poppy

To my baby girl,

I have to wait 5.5 months until I officially meet you but I feel like I already know you. I have been thinking about you and loving you for longer than you’ve been in mom’s belly. I have been thinking of you and planning for you for longer than I can remember. I’ve wanted you forever – and I am so eager to finally get you here!

A few things I want you to know – and a few things I never want to forget.

I love you and it's not conditional and never ever will be. I don’t care what you like, who you’ll love or the mistakes you’ll make. I will do by best at creating opportunities for you to learn and grow and dream. I’ll show you that dreams come true by continuing to dream myself and working hard to turn my dreams into reality. I’ll do my best at keeping you safe – but not too safe. I want you to struggle and to see the struggles in our communities. I think that struggle develops compassion and I think compassion can change the world! I will care more about the way you treat people than your grades - although I will always encourage you to work hard! I will engage in conversations with you about ways we can do our part to help people around us. I will tell you that you’re smart and beautiful and capable because I know you will be – and I will be real with you. You’re going to have to be better than the boys and men in your life to have access to the same opportunities. A lot of things aren’t going to seem fair but I hope that you recognize the beauty that is everywhere and the power that is within you!

I will make messes with you and help clean them up afterwards. I will take you on adventures. I will teach you about manners and respect and why they are important. I will teach you about trees and sports and we will read books together. I will ask you to tell me about everything you think about and how you want the world to be. I will encourage you to have opinions based on knowledge and experience and I will hope that you use your ears more than your voice – and I hope that when you use your voice that you’ll use it strongly! I hope you'll always stand up for the things you believe in and what you care about. I hope that you’ll ask questions and I hope you’ll always spread your truth, your love and your light!

Baby girl, I hope you will become best friends with your mom. She is the light of my life and I’m sure she will be (one of) the light (s) of yours, too! We are the luckiest girls in the world to have her! You’ll learn quickly that she is loyal, fierce, incredibly kind and generous and she loves adventure! I fell in love with her simple way of living, her giving heart and the love she has for her family. You should see her now – the way she cares for you already is quite remarkable!

I will teach you about love by loving myself, your mom and you, the people around me and the planet we live on. We will start and end our days expressing gratitude. The world is big and bright and good. And it’s about to get so much better and brighter when you get here! I can hardly wait.

Get ready baby girl, it’s going to be an adventure!

I love you! 

Love, Mom

Poppy has a cousin!

Ricardo Lockette giving Nils Wooly a happy birthday shoutout hours after he was born 

On October 11, 2016 my nephew was born. Nils Wooly Nelson. In the short, but very long, two days he's been here he has captured hearts and transformed lives. Mine included.

We got a text from my brother at 6:47pm on October 10th. He was deciding if we wanted to catch his son. He expressed nervousness but I could sense excitement through the words on my screen. We waited patiently for the next text. I hoped it would be a picture of the baby - maybe of my brother holding his son.

An hour passed, then two. I felt sorry for Ashley. I feared she was still going through active labor and selfishly wished that Erin's experience would be easier. Then hour three passed - my family started texting each other wondering if anyone had heard anything. Nothing. During the 4th hour I started looking up hospitals - none of us knew where they were and we were starting to get worried.

Finally around midnight - nearly 6 hours after our last text from Nils - I got a text from Jami. She had just talked to Nils. Baby was born. It was a hard labor and scary delivery. The baby swallowed meconium and it was a semi dry birth (don't exactly know what that means). Baby was undergoing tests. Nils was nervous. Ashley, Nils's wife, saw fear in the nurses eyes. He was having some issues. They are getting transferred to another hospital. The baby is having seizures.

Without getting into all of the details I will say that right now there is a lot of hope! Baby Nils hasn't had seizures today and his brain ultrasound and spinal tap came back looking good. My brother nor his wife have been able to hold their baby much- and that's heart breaking - hopefully after tomorrow they'll be able to! 

Yesterday morning I was driving to work and my family all received this text from Nils: 

"Hi fam, I'm sorry for not responding as timely as I would like-we've had a very full day of meetings.  We also have a lot of things that need to be worked out by tomorrow because Ashley will be discharged. So, I'm sending out this text to give you all the update and helpfully I can find some time this evening to speak with you more if you have questions. Thank you all for your love support and prayers. We have truly felt strengthened.

Update: our little guy had two seizures yesterday, one of which was seven minutes long. The doctors aren't as concerned with length of seizure as they are with frequency and (I think) severity. His hiccup reflex breathing has decreased which is  positive. They did the spinal tap yesterday. Preliminary results indicated no infection, but more thorough testing is being done and we should have those results within two to five days. Fingers crossed. In relation to the seizures,  they will continue to cool his body through tomorrow, warm him in Friday, then perform an MRI on Sat, with results projected to arrive mid next week. So we are mostly waiting for the results of the spinal test and MRI. Once those arrive, we will have a better idea of what we are dealing with.

We have been so impressed by the quality of care we've received here. We have met personally with the attending OB, pediatric neurologist, attending pediatric doctor, lactation consultant, and nurses. He couldn't be in better care and we are SO grateful. 

The OB eased some of our frustrations concerning the negligent care at the previous hospital. The pregnancy was at a risk category 2, which is the gray area for pregnancies. However, we are keeping our focus upon little nils's situation. 

This is such a tender time for Ashley and I. Of course, we would have chosen differently, but notwithstanding our relationship has deepened significantly as we have wept, cared, prayed, and consulted together. My love and respect for her reached new depths when witnessing her motherly intuition and gumption in the birthing process. She was incredible. 

Lastly, our little guy is such a beautiful boy. His activity is very meek and subdued, which is the result of his condition and medications. We yearn for the day where we can hold and cradle him.

Thank you for all of your love and prayers and phone calls. So many have been so positive and caring and we have been uplifted. I'll try to send updates as I can.

Love, 

Nils, Ash and nils

I had to pull over because I was overcome with emotion - I started bawling! It was like all the worry and fear I had for baby Nils combined with my sadness that my brother had to experience this and my feelings of helplessness surfaced all at once as I read it. Nils is so sweet and tender and amazing, although that word feels very inadequate! Baby Nils is incredibly lucky to have my bother as a dad and Ashley as a mom. They are committed to each other and they are committed to goodness. Through this particular text my heart was touched in a way that I can't really explain and I made a commitment to myself to be better, to be softer and to get more familiar with my spiritual self again.

Which leads me to Poppy. The last few days have been all about baby Nils AND it's been impossible to not think about Poppy. I hope she is okay. I hope we are prepared for whatever happens - not only when she's born but throughout her life - which is crazy because I know parents can't be prepared for everything. I hope Erin and I work well together and chommunicate as things come up with Poppy. I hope we handle life with kindness and grace and openness. 

I am excited for Poppy to meet her cousin. They will be six months apart. I imagine how I am going to be annoying and try to pose them together during holidays and stuff. I imagine them calling each other to talk about life. I imagine them being great friends - just as I was great friends with my cousins.

There is a lot of uncertainty in life and in parenting and in everything. But among the things I am sure of - I am sure that Poppy (and baby Nils) is very lucky to be born into the Nelson family! The last 2 days have reminded me of the bond my family shares. We show up for each other no matter what. It doesn't matter the reason - sickness, coming out of the closet, work functions, weddings, relationship issues, speaking engagements, babies - it doesn't matter the what. And it doesn't matter where we are. Right now my family is spread out across the country and still, we find a way to connect and support each other! I feel so lucky and incredibly blessed to be apart of my family and so glad Poppy is going to be apart too!

I guess to end I should give Nils a proper birth announcement.

Nils Wooly Nelson was born October 11, 2016 at 12:38am. 8lbs 4oz and 22 inches long. Welcome to our family, little buddy. I can hardly wait to meet you!

Perfect baby boy

Baby holding his dads finger. The sweetest thing I've ever seen.

Look at that hair!

Feminist Army

1. 
   
   

   This week we went to a Women's Funding Alliance event. The topic -

   Intergenerational Feminism. It was an incredible couple hours hearing about what it means to be a feminist. There were 4 women on a panel - all born in a different decade. It was sooo cool and informative and felt particularly important as we prepare for Poppy to get here.

   
   

   Feminist is sometimes viewed as a bad word and not a popular thing to be. Perhaps it has a male hating vibe or something. History books label women that fought for women's rights as social deviants. But check out the definition. Every person - man and woman should identify with being a feminist! 

   
   

   fem·i·nist

   ˈfemənəst/

   1. 
      
      
      

      adjective, Sometimes, feministic

      1.
      

      advocating social, political, legal, and economic rights for womenequal to those of men.

      noun

      2.
      

      an advocate of such rights.

   Pam Eakes, who is now one of my heroes, was one of the panelists. Look her up - she'll become a hero of yours too. She spoke about wanting so badly to pass the torch of strong feminism to younger generations. I felt like she talking directly to me. I want that torch! I welcome it! I want to fight for women and girls to have every opportunity - I want it for me, for Erin, for all of our friends and family - but I especially want it for baby girl! 

   
   

   I want to be clear, I want to fight for women and girls for the men and boys in my life too! Fighting for women and girls allows everyone to be a more complete person and allows everyone, regardless of gender, to live a more authentic life. I hear things said to men and boys like, 'man up', 'be a man', 'don't cry - be tough'. I hear things like, 'don't be a girl' and 'you're such a pussy' which are meant to be demeaning and insulting and I hear things like 'you should grow a pair' which is said to encourage toughness. It's crazy how we shape our boys and girls with our language. 

   
   

   Which leads me to the Presidential race. 

   
   

   Today it was brought to all of our attention that one of the Presidential candidates (one of the TWO candidates) said that he can "grab them (women) by the pussy." He talked about fucking married women (his words, not mine) and describing a woman by her 'new tits.' People love him. And my baby girl is going to be born in 6 months.

   
   

   Truth be told, my naive self envisions a perfect world for her - but our world is far from perfect. We need to stop pointing at others and saying someone else and/or the system is the problem - because we can't do anything about other people and we can't snap our fingers and change the system. We can change ourselves - we can speak differently (or stop staying silent), we can open our hearts and minds and arms to people who are different than us. We can learn about people who aren't like us and expand ourselves. If we teach our girls to love themselves and our boys to be good people (instead of the idea that boys will be boys) I think things will start changing!

   
   

   Today it feels more important than ever to get Hillary Clinton elected as the next President of the United States! Not only because I admire and respect her and believe in what she will do but we can't validate the beliefs of that man! Having him as President will make it scarier to be a woman - it will make it harder for by unborn baby girl.  It would put a huge approval stamp on our current rape culture. It will take women back decades!
   
   But lets be clear, when Hillary is elected there will still be a lot of work to be done!

   
   

   Ny friend Norma breaks it down:

   
   

   I worked as a bartender and a server for many years, and men have said so many horrible, demeaning things to me and women I've worked with. I'd take it usually with a deep sigh or an eye roll when I headed back to the kitchen. Sometimes, with nothing. Mostly, I'd shrug them off with coworkers during or after, licking my wounds with rocks, salt, and a lime. 

   I worked in the Capitol, and received my fair share of pats on the ass, off-putting winks, and unsolicited advances. Sometimes it was fun. Sometimes it was dangerous. Sometimes it was scary. Sometimes I told people, and sometimes that got me in trouble. Sometimes I told no one because the situation felt like a threat to my future or career. 

   I work in party politics and I get called a girl. I get looked up and down, I get my qualifications and credentials questioned. I get harassed on social media. Sometimes I feel alone. Sometimes I deserve it. Sometimes I get really angry. Mostly, I make every effort not to care because I know how important our work is, combined and intertwined, and that our work is always going to have divots carved out by differences and ignorance. Our work won't be done, ever, and so sometimes I ignore the offenses by my own blue team because I can: I have immense privilege, I have immense access, and I have immense opportunity should I choose to pursue it with thick skin and a duck's back. 

   So now, we're all faced with a man who uses concepts of violence in both combat and disregard against everyone other than himself. This latest assault, "grab her by the pussy", is haunting. We're all faced with denouncing this kind of sexual violence from a presidential candidate, and I'm glad. Denounce the fuck out of it. But, if you aren't aware, this behavior happens to women all around you, every day. It doesn't end when the camera stops, just as state violence against black men doesn't end there, either. 

   And, if you're a woman going through this shit, who feels a trigger by the fact that a presidential candidate is a culprit much like the bro who made you feel uncomfortable enough to dial 911 and keep your finger hovering above dial while you're walking through LODO, much like a date who grabs your arm when you tell him you don't want to stay the night, much like any person who makes you feel small when you speak up: unhinge. Yes, we go high, and if that feels right, keep going high. But, sometimes, there's also space for speaking up, finding an ally, and saying, "Fuck politeness." You deserve it, and I hope you find a space to say it, even though you shouldn't have to find a fucking space.

   
   

   I hope all my family and friends welcome the identity of feminist!  We need to build an army! There is so much at stake - for starters, every woman's safety. 

   Little Poppy and all the other little babies - boys and girls - are depending on US - not someone else - they are depending on US to create a better world. Let's get to it!
   
   And lets start by electing Hillary Clinton!

   
   

   
   

   
   

Ultrasounds

We had our first ultrasound today. We saw Poppy! She's amazing! And it turns out I want to own an ultrasound machine. They are incredible! With every move of the wand we could see a different part of her. It seemed like she was dancing and then it seemed she was waving - the ultrasound technician pointed it out. I kept looking at Erin's belly and imagining her in there. Geez, I am so eager to meet her!

We could see her heart and her stomach and her little hands and feet. We didn't hear her heart beat but we learned that her heart is beating 167 beats/per minute. Normal is between 120-180. We didn't only see her head but we saw her brain. That's when I told Erin I want to buy one of the machines. I want to watch Poppy all day and night!

Since the last post Erin and I went out on the town again - this time for Lisa's 30th birthday. I (FINALLY) got to take advantage of my designated driver (after 2 beers)! I know Erin isn't feeling great but she is determined to get out and about and push it. She has been incredibly accommodating to me. It seems backwards - it should be the other way around - but I am thankful. Also, I gotta say it, the highlight of that particular night was ordering the beer highlighted below. Being with Erin to celebrate Lisa's birthday was a close 2nd! ;) 

Seriously. Don't boo, vote!

Until next time.

Names, rashes, sleep and baby clothes!

Names are a funny thing. I don't know the process my parents went through to decide on 'Chelsea' but if it was anything like our process of deciding a name for baby girl, I feel for them. I feel for every parent that has ever participated in the process of naming their child! It's stressful!

We are 99% sure we have decided on Poppy's name. We said it aloud weeks ago and loved it, we have texted it back and forth and I doodle it during meetings and when I'm procrastinating at work. I like the way it looks - and the last week I've been calling her by this particular name - just to make sure I like the way it sounds. I don't want her to not like her name. Picking a proper name feels incredibly important -we don't want to mess this up!

Today is the start of week 12 - we are nearly done with the first trimester! Poppy is the size of a kiwi. Last week our app said she was the size of a lime. Isn't a lime bigger than a kiwi? haha. Most of her organs are developed and functioning - totally wild! She has fingers and toes and she can already chew and swallow. Her heart is working hard and her digestive system is starting to work. This week her body is developing white blood cells and her pituitary glad is producing hormones that will allow her the opportunity to be a mom some day if she chooses. Totally crazy!

As for Erin - this week she has developed a rash on her belly. A few days ago she used Palmers Tummy Butter - it is supposed to help prevent stretch marks. BEWARE! She broke out in a horrible rash and google has introduced story after story of other women who have experienced the same thing from this product. It's horribly uncomfortable for her! The information online says the rash should go away in a week or so.

Erin is getting bigger. She's still far from having a baby bump - at least anything that is noticeable. Last night I had plans to take her out on the town but the night was cut short because she needed to get home to take her pants off and put on some sweats! haha.

Week 6 vs Week 12

Week 11 vs Week 12 (with a rash)

She's also having a hard time sleeping. Erin is a back sleeper and it's becoming very uncomfortable - and she isn't used to sleeping on her side - which has resulted in a lot of tossing and turning at night. We are hoping to construct something with pillows to help. Perhaps it's time to invest in a body pillow or something.

Pregnancy has been a special experience so far. Erin feels like she is already bonding with Poppy. I do too - in a different way. I am loving learning about what's happening with Poppy with the baby apps and baby books. The speed of development is incredible. And watching Erin be so diligent in caring for herself and baby girl! It's incredibly special.

We have our first ultrasound Monday. GAHHHHH! I'm so eager to see our little Poppy on the screen!

Also, THIS! We are going to need to find good options for Poppy!