A time to give thanks, indeed

My favorite holiday has come and gone - and by next year we will be a family of 3! Wild.

Thanksgiving has always been my favorite holiday - maybe because it's my moms favorite. An entire day - or weekend if you're lucky - to focus on being thankful! And oh man, I have a lot to be thankful for! This year I am especially thankful that I stuck around and trusted that it would get better. I am incredibly thankful for my life. Might seem cliche but there were several years I didn't want to be alive. I thought I was a mistake. I thought I couldn't have any of the things I wanted: to be proud of myself, to be honest about who I am, to have a family, to have friends who know the real me and love me for it, to have a job I'm passionate about and to have a real authentic relationship with God. I feel humbled, I feel thankful and I feel motivated to pass on the message of 'it gets better' to the people that need it.

Erin and I were both sick over the Thanksgiving weekend. This dumb cold/cough kept us close to home which turned out being perfect. (This weekend has had me wondering what parents do when they get sick. I'm a total wimp, I don't want to do anything when I'm sick.)  There was a lot of relaxing with a few outings to hike, shop the neighborhood stores on Small Business Saturday and go to the Salon to turn me into a red head. We went to the McKinnon's for Thanksgiving dinner and it was perfect and low key. I seriously scored when it comes to in-laws!

We are 20 weeks pregnant today. Twenty weeks or 139 days to go! Erin is just starting to get her baby bump. Every morning for the last week I have asked her to wear something tight - just so I can see it. She's done it for me most of the time. :) Erin has to pee several times during the day. It seems she has the urge more often than not and then when she goes to the bathroom nothing comes out. It's annoying to her and she has said that it's the worst part of being pregnant - which we are both thankful for. We have heard pregnancy horror stories so no complaining about the constant urge. But then again, that's easy for me to say!

It's fascinating to learn about the developments in Poppy as they're happening.  This week her uterus and ovaries are finishing developing along with the millions of eggs that will allow her to be a mom someday, if she choses. Isn't that wild?! She is about 6 inches long crown to rump - already nearly formed. I'm in constant awe. I have been caught looking at Erin with a confused and almost nervous look on my face. I can't help it. It is the coolest thing that our baby is growing inside of her. 

So many of our conversations are about Poppy. We talk about the things we need to purchase to prepare for her, the things we want to teach her, we wonder what she's going to be like - like today we wondered if she's going to want to have long hair like Erin or short hair like me,  we've spent quite a bit of time talking about how to maintain our relationship and relationships with our friends when she gets here. It's hard to remember what we spent our time talking about before we got pregnant. She already takes up so much of my mind space.

We have our 20 week ultrasound and our second centering appointment this week. I am so eager for both.  We are getting our house ready for Christmas and have holiday plans approaching. I love this time of year - it feels magic. We are going to do our best to be in the moment and enjoy our last Christmas as a family of 2 while at the same time continue to be so excited for next year with little Poppy!

Fist Bumps

Oh man, I felt Poppy move this morning! I FELT HER MOVE! I was in Las Vegas for a couple nights at the beginning of the week and while I was there I received a text from Erin letting me know that she finally felt our baby girl move. GAHHHHHH! I missed it!  Erin said she felt emotional and grateful and I felt SOOOO bummed I missed it. I got home last night, had a little convo with Pop and luckily she let me feel her this morning. I had my hand on Erin's belly and after a few minutes I got an undeniable fist bump! It was incredible! Pregnancy is incredible! I go back and forth from being in utter awe to getting ridiculously giddy and hyper to being so thankful to Erin for doing this for us.

New developments - Poppy is about the size of a large chicken breast (crown to rump), she has finger and toe prints and is starting to create poop. Her heart is beating nearly 150 beats per minute -we were able to hear it a few weeks ago (neglected to put much attention on the awesomeness of that because I was still sulking re the election results)  It's all fascinating and beautiful. And weird. The way babies are made and how they grow inside of a woman completely blows my mind.

Today we are 148 days away from our due date. Last entry I was nervous because of the political climate. Right now I feel eager. Perhaps the world needs more people who are impacted by perfect little babies because maybe those perfect little babies give the best kind of perspective and motivation. That's what it feels like to me.

Baby, wedding and the election

I was going to write this entry last Friday - after I met Nils Wooly - and how meeting him made me even more excited for Poppy to get here but I decided to wait until after Curtis's wedding. Curtis's wedding made me over-the-moon that Poppy will get him as an uncle and Karina as an aunt. Their wedding reintroduced the coolness of my family. When the wedding was over I decided to wait to write this entry until election night. I thought I could have an out of this world happy and uplifting post.

Deep breath.

I shouldn't have waited. Meeting Nils and celebrating Curtis and Karina were both amazing. I made so many special memories and my excitement for Jette to get here nearly made me explode. But... a lot of those feelings have passed because...

another deep breath...

Hillary didn't win. She isn't going to be the President. Donald Trump is going to be the President - the President of the United States of America.

America found out during the earliest hour of today. I was glued to the TV because I was sure that there must have been a mistake. No mistake - Trump won. And immediate fear took over me. What kind of world is Jette coming into? America just told us that women can be the most qualified and prepared and it still isn't good enough. Right now it seems our country is more misogynist and interested in preserving patriarchy than we are racist - and we are fucking racist!

My marriage is at risk. My job is at risk. My safety is (more) at risk. And all of it could directly impact our baby girl. I feel sick and heartbroken. And I feel motivated as ever. Jette is the most motivating thing that has ever been in my life. I am going to go to war for her.

I have been riding the coattails of people who came before me my entire life.  I have had things pretty easy and I have often times taken things for granted. I am going to fight like hell to listen and learn so I can build bridges with people who are different than me. That's why this election is so painful - it seems we have collectively created 'us' and 'thems' which is making people afraid of people who are different. It's my turn to fight hard for my baby girl and lead with love, compassion and a desire to understand what has created such an enormous divide.

Jette deserves to be born into a world that respects her as much as the little white baby boys that are born and the black and brown babies should be valued as much as she will be. I will continue to work to make that happen.

This week baby girl is the size of my open hand. Her bones are getting harder and her sweat glands are beginning to develop. Erin will be able to start feeling her move any day. She will be here in 157 days. We had an appointment last week and heard her heartbeat and it was incredible. I can hardly wait to actually put my hand on her and feel her heartbeat through her chest. I'm so eager to sit and watch her chest move up and down. I'm eager to get her here but I'm grateful more time will pass before she is so we can make more sense of this political climate and hopefully make a little more progress before she gets here.

Now, for a little comic relief, check out how I left Nils hanging and went straight for Nils Wooly.