February

I wonder if January felt like 5 years long to anyone else. What is it with this month?!

We started the month in Hawaii and it was the way Hawaii always seems to be - amazing! Island time, being in the sun and watching Jette in the ocean and on the beach was good for the soul. The kid is fearless - she asked Erin and I to leave her alone "bye mama" so she could do things on her own. Not a chance kiddo - you're not swimming in the ocean by yourself-not yet!


Erin and I had some time without J - we got to leave her with Cynthia and Bruce. A few happy hours and walks on the beach with Er was nice. We tried to talk about things that didn't revolve around Jette - it was hard to do but we managed - at least for a few minutes at a time.

A few things about J that we don't want to forget. These days Jette is wanting to literally climb into her books and hold things that are on the pages. She doesn't quite understand that she can't eat the icecream that is on the page so she licks it and then asks why she can’t taste it. Her imagination is starting to take off and we love experiencing it with her. She makes us food in her kitchen and when we're at the park we often find a make shift drive up window and she serves us homemade chicken and coffee, normally a handful of sand. She is learning a lot - new words everyday! She studies our lips and will rattle off any word we ask her to say. Hippopotamus and rhinoceros are among my favorites - but interesting and ridiculous are also toward the top of my list. There are a few things she says wrong and we secretly hope she does forever because it's so cute and endearing. Like when she sees a dog she squeals, "pep it!" because she wants to pet it. She sings a lot of songs but ABCs seems to be the current fave because she sings it often, loudly and proudly. She can count to 10 and a lot of things seem to scare her these days. She calls Erin and I by our names instead of by mom or mama and we mostly think it's funny but hope it stops soon (doesn’t every mom want to be called mom?!). She knows a lot of her colors and can point out a handful of letters. She loves her best friend Maggie and she likes going to Erin's gym, little gym, her school and to church where she gets to play with other kids.

Jette is starting to love stories at night. We read a few books, sing a few songs and tell a few stories. She mostly wants to hear stories about a baby named Jette but sometimes she wants to hear a story about her mamas or a neighborhood dog or a family member - last night she wanted to hear a story about a pineapple. It was fascinating watching her listen and notice how the talking pineapple came to life in her imagination. It's also been fun for me to come up with stories on the fly. I'd say I've gotten a bit better since the first story I told.

We took Jette on her first city bus ride yesterday. J woke up at 4am and Erin and I needed to do something to help the time pass. We got on just after 7:00, found a new breakfast spot, went to a park, met some friends and saw some ducks - all before 9am. It was a fun family adventure - it was mostly fun to see the proud look on Jette's face.


Being her mom is just the best and time is going incredibly fast!

And now for something else that is on my mind. Something that I have to get out somewhere so it's landing on my blog...



We call Kolby, Jette's dad, every few weeks and yesterday was one of those days. We chatted for awhile and he shared a recent experience.

A few weeks ago Kolby was invited to go to someone else's family party (I'm keeping this vague because I don't want to put the family on blast). He knows some of the people in the family better than others and cares for a lot of them. There were kids and adults at this party and Kolby was being the way he always is - fun, happy, engaging and interactive. People were singing karaoke and when that was done he sang a song for the kids - a song that he learned for Jette over the holidays.

From what I understand from the story he was sitting on the floor singing the song and holding on to the kids and dancing and swinging them. He started swinging a little boy - a toddler - and toddlers dad made a scene and the night ended with conversations about how the parents of this little boy don't want Kolby to influence him.

I have been bummed out all day today. Our world desperately needs more good men (men like Kolby!) and this little toddler seems to be growing up in a home where love is limiting, being different than mom and dad is not okay and he's learning it's okay to treat some people better than others based on who they love. It seems like a perfect recipe for either depression, bullying and/or toxic masculinity. And the thing is, there are so many homes that are like that. This one just hits me harder because Kolby was involved. And let me say it again, toddlers dad became paranoid when Kolby was INTERACTING WITH THE KID. Kolby was on the floor singing, laughing and dancing. If only all kids were lucky enough to have adults that get on the floor to play.

I don't know how to articulate how I feel about what happened to Kolby.   First, it makes me wonder how people feel about Jette having two moms. People in our close circle are loving and supportive, of course, but what about other people? What about her future teachers and the parents of her friends? Do and will people pity her? The truth of those hard questions is that probably a lot of people will - and learning how to handle that is a thing. It also makes me mad at the systems that teach us what love is and how they reinforce the way society tells us boys and men and girls and women should be. It makes me mad at my childhood church. It also makes me incredibly thankful that I'm gay. I cant be certain but it is quite possible that I would be like that toddlers dad if I weren't gay - harsh and judgmental. My gayness nearly killed me because I would have done anything and nearly tried everything to get rid of it. At the brink of my own death I decided to try and accept it - to put as much energy into loving myself as I did at trying to get rid of my gayness - and after years of struggle I came out on the other side. But coming out on the other side meant I had to learn who I was without the church that gave me purpose. That was just as hard as coming out. But I count it - the deconstruction and reconstruction of my spiritual self - as one of the greatest blessings of my life. It made me open my heart and mind, it led me to be kinder to myself and others, it led to the creation of beautiful friendships with people from all walks of life. So all of that to say that I can understand why people are so cruel but it also breaks my heart, especially for the kids who are being raised and influenced with so much ignorance.

I feel especially thankful for Kolby today and I feel Jette is beyond lucky to have the chance to be influenced by him. I wish more people had that chance. Our world would be better, no question.

Here's the song he was singing when the scene happened. And this video was taken the day after they learned it - they learned it was one of Jette's favorites and wanted to play it for her before we headed back to Seattle. <3