Baby, wedding and the election

I was going to write this entry last Friday - after I met Nils Wooly - and how meeting him made me even more excited for Poppy to get here but I decided to wait until after Curtis's wedding. Curtis's wedding made me over-the-moon that Poppy will get him as an uncle and Karina as an aunt. Their wedding reintroduced the coolness of my family. When the wedding was over I decided to wait to write this entry until election night. I thought I could have an out of this world happy and uplifting post.

Deep breath.

I shouldn't have waited. Meeting Nils and celebrating Curtis and Karina were both amazing. I made so many special memories and my excitement for Jette to get here nearly made me explode. But... a lot of those feelings have passed because...

another deep breath...

Hillary didn't win. She isn't going to be the President. Donald Trump is going to be the President - the President of the United States of America.

America found out during the earliest hour of today. I was glued to the TV because I was sure that there must have been a mistake. No mistake - Trump won. And immediate fear took over me. What kind of world is Jette coming into? America just told us that women can be the most qualified and prepared and it still isn't good enough. Right now it seems our country is more misogynist and interested in preserving patriarchy than we are racist - and we are fucking racist!

My marriage is at risk. My job is at risk. My safety is (more) at risk. And all of it could directly impact our baby girl. I feel sick and heartbroken. And I feel motivated as ever. Jette is the most motivating thing that has ever been in my life. I am going to go to war for her.

I have been riding the coattails of people who came before me my entire life.  I have had things pretty easy and I have often times taken things for granted. I am going to fight like hell to listen and learn so I can build bridges with people who are different than me. That's why this election is so painful - it seems we have collectively created 'us' and 'thems' which is making people afraid of people who are different. It's my turn to fight hard for my baby girl and lead with love, compassion and a desire to understand what has created such an enormous divide.

Jette deserves to be born into a world that respects her as much as the little white baby boys that are born and the black and brown babies should be valued as much as she will be. I will continue to work to make that happen.

This week baby girl is the size of my open hand. Her bones are getting harder and her sweat glands are beginning to develop. Erin will be able to start feeling her move any day. She will be here in 157 days. We had an appointment last week and heard her heartbeat and it was incredible. I can hardly wait to actually put my hand on her and feel her heartbeat through her chest. I'm so eager to sit and watch her chest move up and down. I'm eager to get her here but I'm grateful more time will pass before she is so we can make more sense of this political climate and hopefully make a little more progress before she gets here.

Now, for a little comic relief, check out how I left Nils hanging and went straight for Nils Wooly.