4 weeks and 6 days to go

Goodness. We are so close to the finish line!

A quick recap with some deep diving on certain topics.

Kolby and Johnny were here last week for a couple days and it was great to have them. It's incredibly special to spend time with the person who helped us get pregnant. Kolby has given us the best gift we've ever received - two of the best gifts, actually. Our baby girl AND Johnny! <3

Talking to Kolby brought up a lot of pain from the past and helped remind me of things I had forgotten. As we talked about our college days (a little about how we met and how Erin and I got pregnant here) I realized how little I remember from that time in my life. I don't remember all the places I lived, I don't remember any of the classes I took, I don't remember a lot of the friends I had or who I lived with. But you better believe I remember all my bishops names, what time my church services started, the times I could attend the temple - and I remember - and could still recite - a lot of the scriptures that I was told to read. My college days are a blur because I was in complete survival mode and spending the majority of my time going to church and reading scriptures trying to change myself. I tried so hard to change who I was - so much so that I hardly have any memories of a place I spent 7 years. 

Then two days after Kolby left I talked to my first girlfriend on the phone. I hadn't heard her voice in like 10 years or something.  Our conversation was completely out of the blue and in a weird way it was totally therapeutic. Our conversation further confirmed that my days in Logan are blurry. She also helped remind me of things that I had forgotten and she helped fill in gaps that I haven't been able to fill on my own for the last decade. Our relationship was traumatic for both of us - we were both closeted, mostly because I was still trying to be a good member of the church which means there was no authentic living for me! She finally had enough of the lying and came out. I was so envious of her freedom which pushed me to start (the very long process) of coming out. I hadn't had the chance to thank her for blazing the path for me until a few days ago.  I am incredibly grateful for our conversation and for who she has been in my life and what she has symbolized throughout the years. Talking to her was long overdue and good for the heart.

Then, to top all of that off I got visitors from the Mormon church - my Home Teachers (who I hadn't met) - at my house on Thursday night. I invited them in because of course - that's what I do! So they come in and within a few seconds they tell me they can help me get out of my situation (aka my marriage) and back on the path of righteousness. To put it mildly, it didn't end well and they weren't invited back.

Perhaps this was a little immature or whatever but after they left I exposed the experience online via Facebook.

Chelsea Nelson

March 9 at 8:20pm · 

I don't mean to blast the religion I grew up in but I also feel like I have to expose what just happened. Leaders from the Mormon church came to my house today and told me they could help me get out of my situation (aka my marriage) and back on the path of righteousness. 

Can anyone think of anything more outrageous, disrespectful or ridiculous?

To put it mildly, they weren't invited to come back.

and I got this gem of a message in response.

Ouch! Erin and I were watching TV and I got a little notification that I got a private message. I read this message and for a moment I froze. It stung. Like my insides were really stinging for a couple seconds. But then, after a few minutes passed and being intentional about acknowledging all the love in my life, my own spirituality, my relationship with god and my growing family I was able to brush it off (brushing it off doesn't mean the stinging goes away).

For whatever reason the church, and the pain I've felt over the years associated with it, has shown up in full force this last week. I am so incredibly grateful that I feel confident in myself and who I am. Some of it has been sad - realizing again that I missed out on a lot of my life - but I feel so much love from myself, from Erin and from the people who are around me. I belong to a pretty incredible army! My heart is full.

Speaking of army, last Sunday we had a baby shower for Poppy AND we had maternity pictures taken. A few things - we have the best people in our lives and our baby girl is already so loved and spoiled.  Erin and I feel incredibly lucky, loved, blessed and ready!

Last thing for the week -we finished a 15 hour labor and delivery course yesterday. It was 5 hours for the last 3 Saturdays - long but worth it. Before the class started we both felt a bit anxious and unsure but now we are feel confident for what's about to happen. One thing is for sure, Erin is tough as nails and I continue to be in awe.

Also - I got a few head shots/lifestyle shots so I might as well share a couple. I mean, I don't know where else I'll be able to show them off. :)

Kristi Waite is an incredible photographer!