The Addiction is Real

This isn't my proudest post - but lets get real - the first step to recovery is admitting you have a problem.

You might be thinking - 'oh, Chelsea is addicted to her baby and that's adorable' and to be fair, I am addicted to Jette. But I'm fessing up to a different addiction. The addiction I have to my damn phone.

Before Jette was born Erin and I talked for hours upon hours about how we wanted to be as parents. I remember I kept saying, I want to be present. And I am present as a parent and in my life - sometimes - when I'm not distracted by my phone.

I have gotten in the habit of looking at my phone at red lights, at work when there is a lapse in my creativity or thinking, when I am at home when I could/should be helping out or engaging or NOVEL idea, when I should be letting my mind be still. My excuses - I have to stay on top of my emails and then I might as well check Facebook, Instagram and snapchat. Seriously, it's ridiculous. And I do it without even thinking about it or realizing I'm doing it. Yeah, problem.

When I'm out with Erin or with friends I notice how people are constantly looking down -  how people are often more connected to their phones than to the people they're with - even when they're out to dinner on a date or something, how nobody talks as they wait at the bus stop - or any public place, I notice how people are more interested in snapping a picture or video (because we have to post it) than they are living the moment. When I see it I think it's sad - and then I get bummed out because I know I sometimes (often) do the same thing.

I mean, yes, it is important to me to capture moments. I want to remember things and I think pictures help do that.  But man, you know it's a problem when you unconsciously reach for you phone anytime you have a free second. I'm really eager to break this habit. I think I'll save a lot of time, be way more productive in my life and feel a sense of freedom that I don't even realize is gone.  Luckily we are headed to Canada tomorrow. We'll be there a week - it'll be a great time to recharge my internal battery, have uninterrupted time with my family (in one of the most beautiful places on the planet) and to be phone free. It'll be nice to not have the excuse to be on my phone for work or whatever. It's time to break this habit. I'll keep you all posted on how confronting this habit goes - not because I assume people are interested - but because it will likely help keep me accountable.

Now updates about Jette. I am starting to call her Poppy again. It feels a little forced but I kinda hope the nickname sticks - at least a little. She met Sherilyn this week - and that was incredibly special for me. Sherilyn Wright is on of the best and most influential people in my life. Jette hasn't slept through the night the last 2 nights - which isn't like her. I know, I know, it was all a matter of time. Having a new born that sleeps through the night is pretty unheard of and up until 2 nights ago she has slept through the night almost every night since she's been home. She still hasn't giggled - but I know that it's coming any day. She has absolutely won me over. She has captured my heart. I love how our relationship has grown and look forward to experiencing the evolution of it as it changes throughout time. This little person has already completely changed my life. 

June 26

Today will always be a special day. It is my brothers wedding anniversary AND it is the anniversary  of the day the Supreme Court ruled to recognize same sex marriages.

I was at my parents house right outside of Salt Lake City when I learned the news. I was about to get ready for my brothers wedding. My dad was watching the news. Something caught my ear. I went and watched and listened. I couldn't believe it. Tears started streaming down my face. My dad was crying too. He asked how I was feeling - I couldn't talk. Erin came up and sat by me. Nils, my brother who was getting married in a couple hours, came and put his arm around me. He congratulated us. I completely broke down. I had the legal right to be married. I don't know if I'll ever be able to express what that morning felt like. I was, and continue to be, so grateful!

Hours after we learned our upcoming marriage would be legally recognized

Now, two years later, I am happily married and feel safe and for the most part, cheered on by my community. Aside from being white, I think a lot of that security comes from the ruling that took place two years ago - and I remain thankful!  Also - I must say, I realize I am lucky to live in WA and not all same sex families share that comfort.

To add to the specialness of today this last weekend was Pride. We didn't join many of the Pride festivities - I was a jerk and brought home a cold from Boston and gave it to Erin. She got the brunt of it during the weekend AND it was 90 degrees Sunday - a bit too hot to take Jette out. We made it to part of Farq and Kristi's party for a bit and then to Capitol Hill for nearly an hour and called it good. Although this was my least festive Pride, I've never felt so proud! Proud to be me and proud of me, proud of my marriage and proud of our new little family! It was taken my entire life to get where I am - I still have a long way to go but truth be told I like where I am!


I am proud of me! I have worked through most of that damn gay Mormon shame to the point it hardly creeps up anymore. I know who I am. I love and believe in myself. I push myself personally and professionally. I am committed to justice and fairness and am firm in my belief of humanity. If I weren't me, I would want to be my friend.

I'm proud of my marriage! Erin and I have worked hard! Together we make and accomplish goals. We are still trying to master communication - we probably always will be - and we're kind to each other when we slip up a bit. We are a great team. We talk about hard and uncomfortable things while always making time for fun and laughter (Erin has taught me a lot about fun and laughter)!
I am proud of our family! We are learning as we go. Parenting seems to be a lot about trial and error - not only with Jette but with me and Erin, too. And we're figuring it out!

Jette is awesome. She is talkative, she smiles a lot, TODAY SHE (accidentally) ROLLED OVER FOR THE FIRST TIME, she loves it when we sing to her, she is sleeping 10ish hours a night, she has learned to breast feed without the nipple shield, her head is big enough to wear headbands (and I freak out every time we put one of her) and she is starting to hold her head up. When I leave for work  I ask her not to change too much before I get home but she does. It seems she is changing by the hour.

What else - Sara, Emily and Harlowe left this week. They are moving to Macminville which is awesome for them and sucks for us. Sara is my longest friend in Seattle and one of the best people on the planet. I will miss that adorable family and already look forward to our visits.

We've had several friends visit Thailand in the last few months. Their stories confirmed our desire to visit and prompted us to purchase tickets. We are headed to Thailand in February - with the baby! I'm looking forward to the next several months of planning!

I think I hit the highlights of the week. More than anything I wanted to highlight the gratitude I've been feeling for where I am in my life. I am thankful for the progress our country has made (while realizing we have so much further to go). I am thankful beyond description that my marriage is recognized and that Jette is mine. I feel committed to pay it forward - perhaps in honor of all the people who fought for the rights I enjoy but never got to have them themselves. I stand on the shoulders of so many people. I try to live my life showing my immense gratitude.

Until next week, enjoy a dance from my little Jetters!

8 Weeks Old

I need to block out time on my calendar to update this thing. It's ridiculous that 21 days have passed since my last entry! Busy is an understatement AND when I'm not doing something I am staring at Jette, giving Harley some attention or trying to remember who Erin is. Luckily, she helps remind me. 😊

Jette has changed so much! It seems she changes a bit everyday. Sometimes, when I'm bored, I will scroll through pictures of the last 8 weeks and notice how she has totally grown up. She is more alert, smiles all the time, she's finding her voice and she's sleeping 8-10 hours at night. Yeah, we know we are lucky and that the sleep thing isn't normal. :)

After coming from Utah we hung out for about a week and got Jette her 2 month (at 6 weeks) shots before getting on another plane heading to Boston. We explored Boston for a couple days then went to Chathem and Provincetown for the weekend. It was incredible. We stayed right on the beach and got to introduce Jette to the Atlantic Ocean! After a couple days Erin and Jette dropped me off at Harvard before they left to go home. Erin was brave enough to take 7 week old Jette on a 5.5 hour flight by herself.  Once again, she's a champ!

The Harvard program was something else! The Seattle Chamber of Commerce sent me and 9 others from the area to represent Seattle in a cross collaboration/ collective impact boot camp. We stayed on campus at the business school and worked from sun up to sun down. It was insane and insanely cool! I am confident I walked away with lifelong friends AND strategy/ world changing partners! It was good to get home though - I didn't anticipate missing my girls so much but man, I missed them!

I started a new job on June 1st. That's been a shift and something I'll get into more detail as time goes on. Change is always good - but a lot of change at once is sometimes hard to manage. I think I'm doing fairly okay - most of the time. Erin might disagree. :)

Father's Day was last Sunday. As per usual I felt a lot of overwhelming gratitude for my dad and Erin's dad too but this year was different. I wished that Kolby lived closer so I could express myself in person. I felt so grateful to him for helping us make Jette and even more grateful for his willingness to be her dad. I adore our little modern family!

We got together with all of the families we received our pregnancy care with. Oh man, I love these people and feel so glad and confident in our future because we are raising babies at the same time these folks are! And, asa bonus, all of their kiddos are to die for!  Jette was especially loving resting on Vera's shoulder!

Parenting is still awesome AND hard. It's hard in ways I didn't anticipate. There's a lot that I'm feeling about raising a white baby and I sometimes get overwhelmed. I can't write a lot about this because my thoughts are so scattered - all I know is that it isn't right Jette has and will continue to have more privilege and more opportunity than black babies. I mean, of course I want her to have every opportunity and I want her to feel safe and supported AND I want that for all babies. People like Charleena Lyles, a 30 yr old black woman who was a mom of 4 was shot by Seattle police officers a few days ago - and all the other black folks who have been killed by the police - and all my black friends who live with more fear than I ever will because of the color of their skin makes parenting feel particularly important and sometimes hard due to the desire of wanting to do it right! I realize that the change our country needs is a generation of kids to destroy the racial divisions and tensions we currently have. I want to teach Jette to love everyone and to recognize her privilege while elevating others. Perhaps modeling that behavior is the way to teach her. More thoughts about this later.

On a lighter note we aren't overly tired because Jette is a great sleeper - we were told over and over again that that would be the hardest part. I'd say the hardest part (besides all the heavy stuff) is not having time with Erin. Or having different time with her. Before Jette was here we were so connected - in a way that we hadn't ever been before. There is a kind of magic before a baby is born. Don't get me wrong - it is magic still - just a different kind. I mean Jette is a miracle and I'm in a constant state of awestruck. I guess the best way to say what I'm trying to say is that I am still adjusting to parenting and how to maintain a good sense of self, my relationship with Erin and my relationship with Jette while learning a new job all at the same time. It feels like a lot AND I'm grateful for all of it! No matter what piles on the plate and no matter the lack of time I feel I have I'll strive to count my many, many blessings. 

I feel so lucky to be Jette's mom and I'm so glad to get to do it with Erin! 

Perhaps the best weekend I've ever had!

Okay you guys, this last weekend was the BEST!

Jette took her first plane ride to Utah and met my parents, Curtis and Karina, Jami's kids, Kolby and his family along with a lot of extended family and a lot of friends. Everyone adored her and my heart is pretty much bursting!

Kolby met my parents at their house Friday night and then joined my dad to pick us up from the airport. Jami (who is the absolute BEST - and I'll get to more on that later) hosted a shower/open house on Saturday morning for our people in Utah to come meet Jette. We wanted Kolby and his family to come and wanted him to have uninterrupted time to meet her, etc so we invited him to sleepover at my parents house with us Friday night and we invited his family to come an hour or so before the shower started on Saturday. I was nervous excited for Kolby and his family to meet her. I hoped it would be comfortable. I hoped his family would love baby and us and that nobody would make it weird. There are absolutely no words. It was beyond anything I ever thought was possible. It seemed everyone that walked in to the party could feel the love, the excitement, the wonder and the awe.  It was incredible. Ben, my 5 year old nephew summed it up perfectly - when he learned that all these new people were part of Jette's family and that she has 3 grandmas and 3 grandpas he said, 'LUCKY!' Jette sure is a lucky!

Erin and I never really considered how this whole process would be for Kolby's family. I mentioned Julie, Kolby's mom, a few posts ago when she sent us the most beautiful quilt and card. Her card made it easy for us to decide that we'd like Kolby's family to be apart of Jette's life if they wanted to be. We didn't know how it would all work out for sure - we still don't - but we knew Jette's life would be better if she knew them. All I can say is after this weekend Jette has 3 grandmas and 3 grandpas. She has so many aunties and uncles and we couldn't be happier about it! Also - I must say - Mormon families could learn a lot from both mine and Kolby's families. Their love and acceptance is remarkable, no doubt.

Soooooo my sister Jami. Erin said it best a few days ago - Jami is like super woman. She is a single mom to 3 of the most well behaved kiddos that I completely adore. Her kiddos - ages 13, 10 and 5 have always loved and accepted their auntie Chel and their auntie Erin. They are active in the LDS church AND they love our family. Her kiddos were in our wedding, they call and facetime us on the regular, they were so excited to meet their cousin Jette - basically - what I'm getting at is our sexuality has never affected our relationship - which seems to be so uncommon for other gay Mormons. I am so appreciative that my sister has taught her kids that love looks like a lot of different things. AND the week after Jette was born she came out to Seattle to help us for a week AND she planned an amazing party for us on Saturday. She had nearly 30 people in and out of her house all for me and my little family. She does it with such ease and grace. Jami is incredible and I am so thankful for all that she does for me!

It was so special to hang out with my mom and have her meet Jette. My mom had a great weekend - she was doing better than I've seen her in nearly a decade. She felt great, was out and about, played games with us and offered to take Jette at night. The most special event of the weekend - when Erin finally got in bed on Friday night Jette started to cry. I decided to take her upstairs and sit by the fire as I tried to get her back to sleep. Jette was wailing - and about 1:30am my mom came out asking if she could help. I told my mom that I wanted to keep trying because I need to learn so my mom tickled my back and played with my hair as I rocked my baby and played her a song. It was so special. It was one of those times I wish I could stop time and be in that moment forever. My mom has holding me as I was holding my babe.



We went up to grandma Carol's house on Sunday. Her funeral was on the day Jette was born so I wasn't able to go. Funerals help give me closure so I wanted to go up to her house and dedicate time to think about and honor her and I hoped that would give me a little closure. It did. Her house was empty - which was super weird and sad but it was still peaceful. I walked room to room and remembered different memories in each one. Of all my grandparents I related to grandma Carol the most. She was one of my heroes. She was humble and kind and full of love and grace. Jette will hear stories about her great grandma Carol for her whole life.
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Memorial Day was awesome. There was a neighborhood breakfast tribute at a park near Jami's house. People told stories of family members and other vets who paid the ultimate sacrifice. There was a moment of silence. There was food and games and music. Memorial Day felt particularly special this year. We started the day really remembering why we enjoy the freedoms we do - people fought and many died for them.

This weekend put a magnified glass on the importance of family. I adore my family. All of them - my immediate and extended family. And my friends who are like family. I am so glad to be part of the Nelson bunch and feel so lucky that Jette is apart of them, too. We love each other fiercely, we try our best to understand each other, we care, we are engaged and we are always ready and willing to welcome more into our fold.

I can hardly wait to go back!