Poppy has a cousin!

Ricardo Lockette giving Nils Wooly a happy birthday shoutout hours after he was born 

On October 11, 2016 my nephew was born. Nils Wooly Nelson. In the short, but very long, two days he's been here he has captured hearts and transformed lives. Mine included.

We got a text from my brother at 6:47pm on October 10th. He was deciding if we wanted to catch his son. He expressed nervousness but I could sense excitement through the words on my screen. We waited patiently for the next text. I hoped it would be a picture of the baby - maybe of my brother holding his son.

An hour passed, then two. I felt sorry for Ashley. I feared she was still going through active labor and selfishly wished that Erin's experience would be easier. Then hour three passed - my family started texting each other wondering if anyone had heard anything. Nothing. During the 4th hour I started looking up hospitals - none of us knew where they were and we were starting to get worried.

Finally around midnight - nearly 6 hours after our last text from Nils - I got a text from Jami. She had just talked to Nils. Baby was born. It was a hard labor and scary delivery. The baby swallowed meconium and it was a semi dry birth (don't exactly know what that means). Baby was undergoing tests. Nils was nervous. Ashley, Nils's wife, saw fear in the nurses eyes. He was having some issues. They are getting transferred to another hospital. The baby is having seizures.

Without getting into all of the details I will say that right now there is a lot of hope! Baby Nils hasn't had seizures today and his brain ultrasound and spinal tap came back looking good. My brother nor his wife have been able to hold their baby much- and that's heart breaking - hopefully after tomorrow they'll be able to! 

Yesterday morning I was driving to work and my family all received this text from Nils: 

"Hi fam, I'm sorry for not responding as timely as I would like-we've had a very full day of meetings.  We also have a lot of things that need to be worked out by tomorrow because Ashley will be discharged. So, I'm sending out this text to give you all the update and helpfully I can find some time this evening to speak with you more if you have questions. Thank you all for your love support and prayers. We have truly felt strengthened.

Update: our little guy had two seizures yesterday, one of which was seven minutes long. The doctors aren't as concerned with length of seizure as they are with frequency and (I think) severity. His hiccup reflex breathing has decreased which is  positive. They did the spinal tap yesterday. Preliminary results indicated no infection, but more thorough testing is being done and we should have those results within two to five days. Fingers crossed. In relation to the seizures,  they will continue to cool his body through tomorrow, warm him in Friday, then perform an MRI on Sat, with results projected to arrive mid next week. So we are mostly waiting for the results of the spinal test and MRI. Once those arrive, we will have a better idea of what we are dealing with.

We have been so impressed by the quality of care we've received here. We have met personally with the attending OB, pediatric neurologist, attending pediatric doctor, lactation consultant, and nurses. He couldn't be in better care and we are SO grateful. 

The OB eased some of our frustrations concerning the negligent care at the previous hospital. The pregnancy was at a risk category 2, which is the gray area for pregnancies. However, we are keeping our focus upon little nils's situation. 

This is such a tender time for Ashley and I. Of course, we would have chosen differently, but notwithstanding our relationship has deepened significantly as we have wept, cared, prayed, and consulted together. My love and respect for her reached new depths when witnessing her motherly intuition and gumption in the birthing process. She was incredible. 

Lastly, our little guy is such a beautiful boy. His activity is very meek and subdued, which is the result of his condition and medications. We yearn for the day where we can hold and cradle him.

Thank you for all of your love and prayers and phone calls. So many have been so positive and caring and we have been uplifted. I'll try to send updates as I can.

Love, 

Nils, Ash and nils

I had to pull over because I was overcome with emotion - I started bawling! It was like all the worry and fear I had for baby Nils combined with my sadness that my brother had to experience this and my feelings of helplessness surfaced all at once as I read it. Nils is so sweet and tender and amazing, although that word feels very inadequate! Baby Nils is incredibly lucky to have my bother as a dad and Ashley as a mom. They are committed to each other and they are committed to goodness. Through this particular text my heart was touched in a way that I can't really explain and I made a commitment to myself to be better, to be softer and to get more familiar with my spiritual self again.

Which leads me to Poppy. The last few days have been all about baby Nils AND it's been impossible to not think about Poppy. I hope she is okay. I hope we are prepared for whatever happens - not only when she's born but throughout her life - which is crazy because I know parents can't be prepared for everything. I hope Erin and I work well together and chommunicate as things come up with Poppy. I hope we handle life with kindness and grace and openness. 

I am excited for Poppy to meet her cousin. They will be six months apart. I imagine how I am going to be annoying and try to pose them together during holidays and stuff. I imagine them calling each other to talk about life. I imagine them being great friends - just as I was great friends with my cousins.

There is a lot of uncertainty in life and in parenting and in everything. But among the things I am sure of - I am sure that Poppy (and baby Nils) is very lucky to be born into the Nelson family! The last 2 days have reminded me of the bond my family shares. We show up for each other no matter what. It doesn't matter the reason - sickness, coming out of the closet, work functions, weddings, relationship issues, speaking engagements, babies - it doesn't matter the what. And it doesn't matter where we are. Right now my family is spread out across the country and still, we find a way to connect and support each other! I feel so lucky and incredibly blessed to be apart of my family and so glad Poppy is going to be apart too!

I guess to end I should give Nils a proper birth announcement.

Nils Wooly Nelson was born October 11, 2016 at 12:38am. 8lbs 4oz and 22 inches long. Welcome to our family, little buddy. I can hardly wait to meet you!

Perfect baby boy

Baby holding his dads finger. The sweetest thing I've ever seen.

Look at that hair!