Perhaps the best weekend I've ever had!

Okay you guys, this last weekend was the BEST!

Jette took her first plane ride to Utah and met my parents, Curtis and Karina, Jami's kids, Kolby and his family along with a lot of extended family and a lot of friends. Everyone adored her and my heart is pretty much bursting!

Kolby met my parents at their house Friday night and then joined my dad to pick us up from the airport. Jami (who is the absolute BEST - and I'll get to more on that later) hosted a shower/open house on Saturday morning for our people in Utah to come meet Jette. We wanted Kolby and his family to come and wanted him to have uninterrupted time to meet her, etc so we invited him to sleepover at my parents house with us Friday night and we invited his family to come an hour or so before the shower started on Saturday. I was nervous excited for Kolby and his family to meet her. I hoped it would be comfortable. I hoped his family would love baby and us and that nobody would make it weird. There are absolutely no words. It was beyond anything I ever thought was possible. It seemed everyone that walked in to the party could feel the love, the excitement, the wonder and the awe.  It was incredible. Ben, my 5 year old nephew summed it up perfectly - when he learned that all these new people were part of Jette's family and that she has 3 grandmas and 3 grandpas he said, 'LUCKY!' Jette sure is a lucky!

Erin and I never really considered how this whole process would be for Kolby's family. I mentioned Julie, Kolby's mom, a few posts ago when she sent us the most beautiful quilt and card. Her card made it easy for us to decide that we'd like Kolby's family to be apart of Jette's life if they wanted to be. We didn't know how it would all work out for sure - we still don't - but we knew Jette's life would be better if she knew them. All I can say is after this weekend Jette has 3 grandmas and 3 grandpas. She has so many aunties and uncles and we couldn't be happier about it! Also - I must say - Mormon families could learn a lot from both mine and Kolby's families. Their love and acceptance is remarkable, no doubt.

Soooooo my sister Jami. Erin said it best a few days ago - Jami is like super woman. She is a single mom to 3 of the most well behaved kiddos that I completely adore. Her kiddos - ages 13, 10 and 5 have always loved and accepted their auntie Chel and their auntie Erin. They are active in the LDS church AND they love our family. Her kiddos were in our wedding, they call and facetime us on the regular, they were so excited to meet their cousin Jette - basically - what I'm getting at is our sexuality has never affected our relationship - which seems to be so uncommon for other gay Mormons. I am so appreciative that my sister has taught her kids that love looks like a lot of different things. AND the week after Jette was born she came out to Seattle to help us for a week AND she planned an amazing party for us on Saturday. She had nearly 30 people in and out of her house all for me and my little family. She does it with such ease and grace. Jami is incredible and I am so thankful for all that she does for me!

It was so special to hang out with my mom and have her meet Jette. My mom had a great weekend - she was doing better than I've seen her in nearly a decade. She felt great, was out and about, played games with us and offered to take Jette at night. The most special event of the weekend - when Erin finally got in bed on Friday night Jette started to cry. I decided to take her upstairs and sit by the fire as I tried to get her back to sleep. Jette was wailing - and about 1:30am my mom came out asking if she could help. I told my mom that I wanted to keep trying because I need to learn so my mom tickled my back and played with my hair as I rocked my baby and played her a song. It was so special. It was one of those times I wish I could stop time and be in that moment forever. My mom has holding me as I was holding my babe.



We went up to grandma Carol's house on Sunday. Her funeral was on the day Jette was born so I wasn't able to go. Funerals help give me closure so I wanted to go up to her house and dedicate time to think about and honor her and I hoped that would give me a little closure. It did. Her house was empty - which was super weird and sad but it was still peaceful. I walked room to room and remembered different memories in each one. Of all my grandparents I related to grandma Carol the most. She was one of my heroes. She was humble and kind and full of love and grace. Jette will hear stories about her great grandma Carol for her whole life.
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Memorial Day was awesome. There was a neighborhood breakfast tribute at a park near Jami's house. People told stories of family members and other vets who paid the ultimate sacrifice. There was a moment of silence. There was food and games and music. Memorial Day felt particularly special this year. We started the day really remembering why we enjoy the freedoms we do - people fought and many died for them.

This weekend put a magnified glass on the importance of family. I adore my family. All of them - my immediate and extended family. And my friends who are like family. I am so glad to be part of the Nelson bunch and feel so lucky that Jette is apart of them, too. We love each other fiercely, we try our best to understand each other, we care, we are engaged and we are always ready and willing to welcome more into our fold.

I can hardly wait to go back!

List of Little Notes

I should absolutely be sleeping but I have put this off long enough. I think I have thought at least once a day since Jette arrived, 'I gotta write on the blog" but then I get to hold her or change her diaper or watch her sleep and then it's time for me to sleep. Or go to work. Or walk the dog - or anything besides writing. I am keeping little notes about what I want to write about - all the things I don't ever want to forget - and my little list of little notes is becoming quite long - so although I should be sleeping, Progressions of Poppy wins.

My notes - Jess came to visit, we had our first Mother's Day and the babe completed her very first art project in preparation, we celebrated Erin's 30th birthday, Jette's feet are too long for her pajamas and she graduated from newborn diapers (which totally unexpectedly made me sad), she is smiling way more often, Jette slept 7.5 hours straight (only once so far, but still), we turned in her passport application, Jette LOVES the bathtub, I love carrying her in the lillebaby, I have read just about everything there is to read about traveling with an infant in preparation for our upcoming trips to Utah and Boston, Harley is doing well with the babe, my fears about bonding with Jette have completely disappeared - and today - Erin breastfed Jette for the first time in public.

I could elaborate on each of these things - and add several more. Like, in the last few days I have become a horrible stroller pusher because I just stare at the baby rather than where I'm going. I've caught several corners. There is something quite annoying and completely captivating about babies. They just suck you in. Jette might be the most intoxicating thing I have ever experienced.

With that being said I gotta admit that it isn't all good all the time. Erin and I are learning to communicate in new ways and there's been a bit of a learning curb with that. I mean, trying to communicate without much sleep while we are both figuring out baby in our own way has had it's challenges. It seems right when we figure out what Jette likes and how she wants to be soothed, etc it changes and she all of a sudden wants something different. Good thing we don't mind the sound of her cry because we've been hearing it much more often. Babe has had some latching problems so breastfeeding hasn't been particularly easy. My admiration for Erin has totally grown watching her be so diligent in doing whatever she can to try to make it easier for them. There are a few other things that have been a bit rough but all things considered, we are doing great! It's been beautiful. We really are the best team.  This transition to parenthood has felt unnaturally natural.

The feelings I feel, Erin too, of gratitude have remained. Our little family continues to be on the receiving end of so much love and kindness. As a result it is easier and much more intuitive to remember to show love and kindness to others these days - perhaps the sun helps a bit - I just feel good. I feel thankful. I feel like my heart could burst!

2 Weeks + 1 day

 

There is so much to share! Jette has been here for 15 days and everyday new things are happening. Her noises, the amount she poops and pees, her adorable facial expressions, the people she meets, etc.  I am doing my best to write all this stuff down - I don't want to forget anything. But then I realize I can't keep that up forever. I swear I won't be the mom that is writing down every little thing my teenager does... at least I won't let my teenager know about it...

So far parenting has been much different than I expected. I kinda sorta don't want to be completely honest about how it's been - but I feel it's important to be honest because well, perhaps other people experience what I'm experiencing too. Most people say things like, 'Aren't you completely in love with your baby?' I haven't been completely honest in my response - I'm like, 'oh my goshhhhh - it is the best, she is the best!' when really I want to say, 'my baby is pretty awesome and we are in the process of falling in love.'

It has been hard that I haven't felt this instant out of this world love for her. I actually have felt a little bit guilty. Right this second I find myself wanting to say - I mean, don't get me wrong, I love her and she is amazing - to avoid judgement or something.

It's just been different than I thought it would be.

I compare Jette to a late night fire. I can stare at her for hours without saying a word. I get lost in wonder about her life. I have memorized her face - her entire body actually and love every sound that she makes. I think I bounce between shock, awe and immense gratitude.

A few things that I want to highlight - this parenting thing has highlighted what a good team Erin and I are. My love and appreciation for Er is the thing that has grown! Watching her go through labor and delivery and then watching her diligently care for Jette while doing her best to care for her body as it heals has been the most inspiring things I have ever witnessed, no question. I watch my girls work together as they learn to breast feed, have story time, fall asleep together - and many other things - and my heart feels like it could burst.



Jette has brought a special spirit or vibe into our home and inside my heart. Our home feels calm, peaceful and tender and my anxiety has totally subsided. It's like she's magic.





Last thing - life has been all about us for the last month or so. We have been pretty self and family focused which, obviously, we just had a baby. It felt extra good to go participate in something that wasn't for us. We made our first public outing to the IF Project fundraiser and I was fortunate enough to be able to participate. If you want to do something good for someone else today, donate to the If Project - or at least check it out: www.theifproject.com.

Jette Alice Nelson

I have been waiting my entire life to write this. I have a daughter. I'm a mom. Jette Alice Nelson finally made her debut and it has been more than anything I've imagined.

Before I get into our birth story and how we're doing I have to express our overwhelming gratitude. We have been on the receiving end of so much kindness, generosity and love. So much so  that when I think about it I can't help but cry. Perhaps the crying has to do with all the extra hormones in our house because seriously, I'm in tears allllll the time. There are no words to adequately express how much support we've received.  The only thing I can say is that I am committed, Erin too, to pay it forward.

Just a few things that come to mind - we've been home a week and we've already had 3 meals dropped off, invited over to a friends for dinner, had a car full (not fridge full) of groceries delivered, my sister Jami left her life and 3 kiddos at home for 5 days to come help out and allow us to get a few more hours of sleep during the day - and so many calls and texts affirming our ability to be great parents. We are thankful beyond words for our village!

So the story...

Jette Alice Nelson (pronounced Jet) was born April 24 at 10:11pm. She was 8lbs and 19.5 inches.

First picture of Jette - soon after she started to cry

All of it has been wild - different than anything I thought it would be. I look at my baby and I literally feel my love and my purpose expanding.

The birth story:
We went to the hospital at 8pm on Sunday, April 23rd (my brothers birthday!) and started the induction process by taking misoprostol. Erin ended up taking 3 doses of it. One at 8pm, another at 11pm and the last at 2am. We were walked through different scenarios as she took the 1st dose - if we did this particular thing Erin's body might kick in and she might not have to have pitocin to get labor started. If we do this other particular thing Erin would go on pitocin and baby would likely get here sooner.

As we were preparing for labor and delivery for the past several months it has felt important to Erin to do things as naturally as possible. She's the kind of person that doesn't like to put medicine in her body for anything so the idea of pitocin and/or an epidural wasn't particularly attractive - although it was on the table. We learned different coping skills at all of our classes. We wanted to try different labor positions and Erin thought that getting in the tub would be nice. One thing was for sure - she didn't want to be attached to all the monitors because she imagined that the monitors would make it hard to be mobile and you have to be on the monitors when you're on pitocin.

So after hearing the different scenarios we decided to see if Erin's body would go into natural labor with a little nudge (the pills she took). Turns out, it did.  Contractions started around 4am. The midwife checked her at 10:00am and she hadn't progressed much. She was 50% effaced and 1cm. We revisited pitocin and planned to get Erin on it but right when they were about to turn on the IV Erin's body kicked into gear again and the painful contractions started at 10:30am.

We started doing what we learned in our classes. Erin got in different positions. I rubbed her back. We swayed together. She bounced on the ball then leaned on the bed then we swayed again.

This is where it gets a little blurry. I have to rely on my text message thread with Cynthia, Erin's mom to remember the timing, etc.

Erin's body stopped progressing and pitocin was back on the table. We weighed our options and decided to do it. The monitoring increased so we had to have more visits by the nurses which made it hard to keep focus.

At 5:40pm she was 100% effaced and dilated to a 5. She was getting tired and frustrated that her body wasn't progressing. Erin decided to get an epidural - which I was glad about because I didn't know how I was going to last several more hours watching her go through that much pain.

We took a (much needed) nap. Amanda and Philip DuBois came to visit and brought me dinner. Erin got checked around 8pm. She was still fully effaced and 5cm. No progression. The midwife explained that they hoped for women to progress 1cm per hour.  She said she'd come back at 11pm and if Erin hadn't progressed to an 8 she recommended breaking Erin's water.

Amanda and Philip were getting ready to leave around 9:00pm when Erin said, "I think my water just popped!" The midwife came in to verify and sure enough her water broke! It was explained that her water breaking might speed up the process a little bit but no guarantees. She'd be back in a couple hours.

Right after her water 'popped'

She came back in 20 or so minutes to enter something into the computer and while she was in there Erin mentioned feeling pressure. The midwife initially brushed it off but when Erin said it again she decided to check Erin.

So - I am standing by Erin's bed at this point. I'm holding her hand. I have a good view of Erin, of the midwife who is up in Er's business and of the nurse standing by the computer. I am watching the midwife's eyes as she checks Erin. Her eyes get really wide - she looks concerned or surprised or something. Then she  says, 'HOLY SHIT' and blurts out some numbers. The nurse who is entering in the information she blurted out also looks concerned or surprised or something. Then the midwife says, 'we're having a baby, her head is right there.'

That was at 9:25pm.

Erin pushed through 4 contractions  (not four in a row - she had to wait for a couple to pass because  baby's heart rate would drop whir Erin pushed and had to climb back up) and she was here at 10:11pm. It all happened so fast!

It was wild when Jette made her appearance. She wasn't crying and she was a blue/gray color. Erin couldn't keep her eyes open - she lost a lot of blood in delivery because of something that happened with the placenta. Jette was on Erin's chest for about 5 seconds and then given to a team to help her. I had a hand on baby and a hand on Erin and was completely paralyzed. I didn't know what to do - and was worried for both of them. The midwife was yelling at me to talk to my baby but I couldn't - I was worried about Erin and I couldn't talk to Erin because I was worried about my baby. BUT after a short amount of time (that felt like forever) Jette started crying and was placed on Erin's chest and although I was still speechless, I couldn't stop staring.

A moment I'll never forget...

It's weird - I wouldn't say it was a love at first sight like I was expecting it to be. I was expecting this beautiful and emotional experience. Instead I was in complete shock for nearly 48 hours. I couldn't talk much. When I tried to gather my thoughts I realized I didn't have many thoughts. I just watched and listened and held my babe whenever I could.

Our first of many selfies

But now we are 12 days in and I am in love. Something has happened in me that I can't quite describe. I feel my heart growing. It is so much different than how I thought it would be. I never imagined anything this good or this special.

A few pictures from the hospital