Overdue

Well, we have crossed the finish line BUT we're still going.

People don't talk much about the mental and emotional aspects of going passed your due date. It might be comparable to running a marathon - and then crossing the finish line and being told you have to keep running. You aren't prepared to keep running - physically, mentally OR emotionally. You are done. We feel done but we have to keep going.  It's 2 days passed our due date and Erin is still pregnant.

We both felt a little sick on our due date. And I was super emotional - I felt  so excited to meet baby and frustrated it hadn't happened yet. I was homesick. Easter is a special day at home - and more of my family is in town because of grandma (she ended up passing away Thursday morning). Erin has been pumping herself up for 3 weeks now. She's been mentally preparing for labor. She has stayed positive and upbeat. It's been hard to keep that up for 3 straight weeks. We both crashed a little on Sunday. But feeling better now.

We've tried all the little tricks imaginable. A LOT of walking, certain teas and oils, spicy food, acupuncture, acupressure, pineapple - you name it. We even made Jette a birthday cake (check it out).  It's looking like we just have to wait it out.

Oh, I forgot to mention the squats! Check this out. I swear, I'm married to wonder woman! This is 39.5 weeks pregnant.

A couple 5 mile hikes the week before our due date 

Friends tried to sing her out

We were sure hitting a bucket of balls would help

Pedicures help everything

About to have spicy thai food! 

Getting a non stress test. Baby looks great. 

Apparently the Belly Booster tea is supposed to help start labor. And carrot cake, obviously.

We were able to spend our due date with friends and family which helped. Oliver had his 1st birthday party and Cameron and Jackie prepared Easter dinner. Erin and I got home early to relax and ended up having a special evening together. We talked all about our pregnancy. We talked about the day we learned we were pregnant. We were away for the weekend for our friends wedding. Erin peed on the stick at like 5am. She called my name and I jumped out of bed. She showed me the stick and I think I blacked out for a couple of minutes. I freaked out. I cried and laughed and pumped my fist. We had a little dance party on the pullout sofa and then tried to get a little more sleep or at least stay in bed until Lisa and Karen woke up - who we were sharing a condo with. I knocked on their door once I heard them. Karen answered, I showed her the positive pregnancy test, she cried and told Lisa to come to the door. Lisa had just gotten out of the shower and was in her towel - she gave me the biggest hug almost losing her towel. haha, such a fun memory.

Hanging out at Oliver's birthday party on our due date

We didn't have a baby the day after our due date so we decided to do yard work 

Yesterday was much better. It started with an appointment to get Erin's membranes swept. Horrible name for a procedure. During the procedure the doc or midwife separates the amnionic sac from the cervix. It's supposed to jumpstart labor. Erin couldn't get the procedure completed because her body isn't far enough along. We know Erin will be induced this weekend if Jette doesn't make her appearance before then. We were able to reset our expectations, appreciate that Erin and baby are healthy and commit to having a happy and positive week.

Up until the last few days the pregnancy has gone fast. The fact that Erin has felt great has helped make it go fast. Our lives have carried on as usual. We have gotten closer, have had conversations we never had before, have gone on a handful of vacations, had a health scare, gained a(n ADORABLE) nephew, and a lot of things I'm not remembering.

One last thing that feels so important to highlight. We have gotten spoiled from family and friends. People we haven't talked to in years have sent packages. A stranger at the gym saw Erin's pregnant belly and learned we were having a girl. After the workout the stranger walked us to her car and gave us bags of BEAUTIFUL baby girl clothes. It's incredible. Perhaps the most special is a package we received yesterday. We received a handmade quilt from Julie, Kolby's mom, with the most beautiful card. We'll keep the quilt and the card forever - they are symbols of the love that made it possible to create Jette. The love and support that Julie has for Kolby will be reflected in the life of our baby girl. Kolby is amazing - that's why we asked him to help us start our family - and after hearing more and more about his life it is clear that his parents, particularly his mother, shaped him. Erin and I haven't talked much about how she might be doing with the anticipation of our baby being born - a baby that is apart of her but her not knowing how/where she fits in baby's life. The card she wrote gave us insight.  One thing is for certain, we want Jette to know Kolby's family. It might take time to figure out how it'll all work out but I am confident it will. I want to wrap my arms around Julie and thank her again and again for her love, support, kindness and graciousness through this unusual and unexpected process.

Look how beautiful! Julie named the quilt "Who Love You."

Anyway, any day now. For sure by this weekend!

Grandma Carol

I am heart broken to write this post. I hoped this time would come in a few months or years but life had a different plan.

It seems my grandma Carol is in her last hours. I just received a text from my sister Jami that said the hospice nurse thinks she has 2 hours left. Her oxygen has plummeted.

She also sent this - which I find beautiful and incredibly special.

It's interesting to lose someone as close and special as my grandma as we anticipate the arrival of our daughter. I have had all sorts of thoughts and feelings. It certainly makes me question what I believe. I'm thinking about heaven and I am wondering if Jette will come right after grandma dies. Maybe gram will give Jette a quick life lesson and then give her a hug as she sends Jette to make her appearance or something. 

My grandma Carol is one of my heroes. I grew up hearing stories about her childhood. She didn't have indoor plumbing or a furnace for the longest time. She had to share a bed with her siblings because it was so cold inside. Ice formed inside of the windows. When one of them had to rearrange to get comfortable they would start counting 1.....2......3 and then all roll over at the same time. She shared bath water with her entire family. When it was finally her turn to get in the water was usually cold. Gram was a tomboy. She played sports with the boys and loved getting dirty and working on the farm. She talked about her most memorable Christmas - when her brother who was at war surprised her family and came home for the day. She put herself through college and became a teacher. She was so generous with her time, her love and their money. I always looked forward to those checks - written on a typewriter for my birthday and Christmas. A few years back she told me she was grateful for the wrinkles on her hands because they reminded her of all the hard work she had accomplished throughout her life. She adored me. I adored her, too. She may have had a hard time when I came out of the closet - but if she did, I wouldn't have known it. She sent me a card immediately after and told me how much she loved me and reminded me that Heavenly Father loved me, too. She was always so kind and gracious towards Erin. She never forgot to tell me to tell Erin hi and that she loved her. And during this last Christmas she told me how excited she was for us to become parents.

For all of those reasons, and 1 million others, my gram is the best! I am going to miss her. I will spend time thinking about her and writing down every memory. I will teach Jette all about her. 

For now, I just hope I can make it to her funeral. I have a new reason to hope for Jette's quick arrival!

Just a couple pictures I found

On the porch of my home in Logan weeks after I purchased. She was one of my first visitors.

Gram and gramp on their wedding day. Never has there been a classier woman!

On Christmas of 2013. This is one of my favorite pictures. It accurately depicts our relationship

The last 4 pictures were taken on December 26, 2016. It was the last time I saw my gram. These pictures are so incredibly special to me and showcase our special relationship <3  

We made a cake!

39 Weeks!

Okay, okay - we've done everything we can do to prepare. We have purchased way too many baby things and have been spoiled by our family and friends with even more baby things.  We've taken 15 hours of labor and delivery classes and a couple breastfeeding classes, too. We have read several articles, blog posts and have started more books about parenting than we've finished. We have gone to all our doctor appointments and last night we learned infant cpr and about infant safety precautions. We have taken loads of stuff to the Goodwill to make space for baby, we have cleaned the entire house, we have installed the carseat, we have washed all the baby clothes - some of them twice and gotten the diaper bag ready.

Our hiking carrier. One of the amazing gifts we've received

We have dance parties with Jette every morning - sometimes morning and night - and we tell her how eager we are to meet her and how much we love her already. It's weird - we do!

Getting practice with our friends babies!

CPR/Infant Safety

Our 5 mile walk. Trying to walk Jette out!

We had an appointment with our midwife yesterday. She checked in - asking how we are. I told her that I am struggling with the weather - all the rain and gray days are totally bumming me out AND that I cry tears of gratitude everyday. The combination of the two contradicting feelings exhaust me. Like, I am sleeping more than Erin some days - and she is growing a freaking human! On the other hand it seems tears come whenever I look at Erin and/or her belly. I can't help it. They just come. It's like a confirmation that all my childhood and young adult dreams are about to come true at each glance. So I am in the process of dreaming up new dreams - and I'm pretty excited about what I'm coming up with AND I feel tired all the time - and baby isn't even here yet. Shit.

Point is, we are ready. And I'm an emotional tired mess. #lordhelpme

Poppy's Name Is.....

I wrote the following post months ago but we weren't ready to share mostly because we wanted to make sure were certain AND we didn't want to hear opinions about it.  Our due date is getting closer and we are finally ready to share Poppy's name... but you better promise to keep opinions to yourself unless you (and least pretend to) love it as much as we do. :)

As our wedding date got closer and even after it passed Erin and I considered combining our last names and creating our very own McKelson last name. At first thought it seemed fun and special. At second thought neither of us connected with it. We scrapped the idea and decided to keep our own separate last names and since that decision we have had several conversations about when we fell in love with each other – I fell in love with Erin McKinnon and she fell in love with Chelsea Nelson and part of our wedding vows were to help support each other maintain our individuality.

It was interesting to have those conversations - conversations about our names - because I’d never had them before. I’ve never put much thought into what my name means to me and turns out, it means a lot! Those conversations helped created a nice framework for our thinking about baby’s name.

Drum roll please…………………

Jette Alice Nelson

I’ll probably always call her Poppy but baby girl’s legal name will be Jette (pronounced jet) Alice Nelson.

Picking her name felt like the first big parenting decision. I’ve already lost several hours of sleep over the last few months imaging her in different scenarios throughout her life with that name. We wanted to pick a name that sounded strong and bold and brave but then we wondered if that was already putting too much pressure on our unborn baby – I guess we will have to do our best to be intentional about not doing that. Erin first mentioned Jette as a possibility a few months into the pregnancy and hearing it was as close of a thing to love at first sight I've ever had. I heard it and I was in love!

Plus, my mom calls my sister Jessica ‘Jetty’ so when Erin first mentioned Jette my reaction was, “I will call her Jetty after Jess!” so my love for the name Jette is partially because of Jess - if Jette is anything like her auntie I’d be thrilled! 

Alice is Erin’s middle name and I’m basically obsessed with the idea of my girls sharing a middle name! I could die. Seriously.

Jette will be a Nelson as per Erin’s request.  It feels important to highlight that it’s due to Erin’s request because I want to broadcast my wife’s thoughtfulness and selflessness. First, I should say that I don’t fully understand why women generally take their husbands name without much of a conversation. It seems like its just expected and it has roots of oppression. And when babies are born, even if the parents don’t share a last name, it is way more common for the baby to take the fathers name. I don’t get it (and I am quite possibly reading too much into it). Regardless, in our situation, there was no expectation or societal norm to follow. So it completely surprised me when just a few weeks after we learned we were pregnant, and before we decided her first and middle name, Erin told me that it was important to her that our baby was a Nelson. She wanted baby and me to have that connection. She explained how she wanted to share the biological connection as much as she possibly could and having Jette share my last name might help. I was completely overcome by the gesture of love and kindness – and continue to be. Erin’s thoughtfulness and awareness continues to humble me.

So consider this a name announcement - Our baby girl, our Poppy, will be known as Jette Alice Nelson and we are so eager to meet her!

Any day now! 

Portland or Bust

Our last weekend away as a family of two is over - and it was a good one!

Erin surprised me with a birthday weekend. It started out by dropping Harley off at the Adorable Pet Lodge and then driving South until we landed in Portland. A great little lunch spot was followed by some window shopping and day dreaming about purchasing new furniture for our new house. Then we made our way to Barefort Sage. Oh my goodness you guys, Barefoot Sage is heaven on earth. Hour foot/ calf massages. Erin couldn't have picked a more relaxing start for our quick get away weekend.

 

Portland is totally weird. I wish I was serious about photography or video because if I was, I would have had a heyday. Everything was so funny and peculiar and charming and beautiful. Everything. Except for maybe the old movie reel titles. Regardless, we will certainly be spending more time down there.

We stayed near Mississippi Avenue - a perfect little Airb&b close enough to walk to the lively strip. Art, drinks, food, live music on every corner - and a lot of laughter. We started with coffee and a pastry and then ordered one thing before moving to the next place. It was a fun way to have a 5 course meal and visit a lot of different places. We obviously had our last course at a food truck - it seems you have to do that in Portland!

I tried my hardest to soak in every moment with Erin. I have so much appreciation for her and for our relationship. It hasn't always been easy. I have put her through a lot in our short but very long 5 years - a lot of confusion and yo yoing - thank God she is a patient woman!

Erin and I talked about how random it is that out of all the people in the world we are doing life together. When we met we were in relationships with other people and before we got together it could have been so easy for one of us to make a decision to go for another or move someone else instead of here. Sometimes I look at Erin and think, 'Holy shit, I am married to Erin McKinnon.' She was the person I'd call when I wanted a fun night out or when I needed someone to talk to. Now we are married and she's about to have our baby. It's wild. There are so many things that could have put us on a different path - but all of our decisions have led us exactly where we are. We gave each other a high-five and a fist bump and let out a grateful sigh - we are both so grateful that our paths led us to each other. Erin is the perfect person for me to do life with for probably 1 million reasons. I look forward to see where our individual and collective paths go next.

We finished the weekend with a walk in the sun and a quick shopping spree at Nike. The cutest thing in the store, and maybe the entire world, were the baby Nikes. Obviously.

Now we are home. We are getting Poppy's room set up. We are preparing our birth plan. We are agonizing over making the right decision re Poppy's given name. We are talking about the next turn in our path. We feel ready for whatever is to come.

4 weeks and 6 days to go

Goodness. We are so close to the finish line!

A quick recap with some deep diving on certain topics.

Kolby and Johnny were here last week for a couple days and it was great to have them. It's incredibly special to spend time with the person who helped us get pregnant. Kolby has given us the best gift we've ever received - two of the best gifts, actually. Our baby girl AND Johnny! <3

Talking to Kolby brought up a lot of pain from the past and helped remind me of things I had forgotten. As we talked about our college days (a little about how we met and how Erin and I got pregnant here) I realized how little I remember from that time in my life. I don't remember all the places I lived, I don't remember any of the classes I took, I don't remember a lot of the friends I had or who I lived with. But you better believe I remember all my bishops names, what time my church services started, the times I could attend the temple - and I remember - and could still recite - a lot of the scriptures that I was told to read. My college days are a blur because I was in complete survival mode and spending the majority of my time going to church and reading scriptures trying to change myself. I tried so hard to change who I was - so much so that I hardly have any memories of a place I spent 7 years. 

Then two days after Kolby left I talked to my first girlfriend on the phone. I hadn't heard her voice in like 10 years or something.  Our conversation was completely out of the blue and in a weird way it was totally therapeutic. Our conversation further confirmed that my days in Logan are blurry. She also helped remind me of things that I had forgotten and she helped fill in gaps that I haven't been able to fill on my own for the last decade. Our relationship was traumatic for both of us - we were both closeted, mostly because I was still trying to be a good member of the church which means there was no authentic living for me! She finally had enough of the lying and came out. I was so envious of her freedom which pushed me to start (the very long process) of coming out. I hadn't had the chance to thank her for blazing the path for me until a few days ago.  I am incredibly grateful for our conversation and for who she has been in my life and what she has symbolized throughout the years. Talking to her was long overdue and good for the heart.

Then, to top all of that off I got visitors from the Mormon church - my Home Teachers (who I hadn't met) - at my house on Thursday night. I invited them in because of course - that's what I do! So they come in and within a few seconds they tell me they can help me get out of my situation (aka my marriage) and back on the path of righteousness. To put it mildly, it didn't end well and they weren't invited back.

Perhaps this was a little immature or whatever but after they left I exposed the experience online via Facebook.

Chelsea Nelson

March 9 at 8:20pm · 

I don't mean to blast the religion I grew up in but I also feel like I have to expose what just happened. Leaders from the Mormon church came to my house today and told me they could help me get out of my situation (aka my marriage) and back on the path of righteousness. 

Can anyone think of anything more outrageous, disrespectful or ridiculous?

To put it mildly, they weren't invited to come back.

and I got this gem of a message in response.

Ouch! Erin and I were watching TV and I got a little notification that I got a private message. I read this message and for a moment I froze. It stung. Like my insides were really stinging for a couple seconds. But then, after a few minutes passed and being intentional about acknowledging all the love in my life, my own spirituality, my relationship with god and my growing family I was able to brush it off (brushing it off doesn't mean the stinging goes away).

For whatever reason the church, and the pain I've felt over the years associated with it, has shown up in full force this last week. I am so incredibly grateful that I feel confident in myself and who I am. Some of it has been sad - realizing again that I missed out on a lot of my life - but I feel so much love from myself, from Erin and from the people who are around me. I belong to a pretty incredible army! My heart is full.

Speaking of army, last Sunday we had a baby shower for Poppy AND we had maternity pictures taken. A few things - we have the best people in our lives and our baby girl is already so loved and spoiled.  Erin and I feel incredibly lucky, loved, blessed and ready!

Last thing for the week -we finished a 15 hour labor and delivery course yesterday. It was 5 hours for the last 3 Saturdays - long but worth it. Before the class started we both felt a bit anxious and unsure but now we are feel confident for what's about to happen. One thing is for sure, Erin is tough as nails and I continue to be in awe.

Also - I got a few head shots/lifestyle shots so I might as well share a couple. I mean, I don't know where else I'll be able to show them off. :)

Kristi Waite is an incredible photographer!