Goodness gracious, I have had every intention to write a blog post every day for the past week but my emotions have changed minute to minute making it nearly impossible. I'm going to make this quick because my wife is trying to fall asleep next to me but I can't let another day go by without somewhat capturing my thoughts. Last week I was in Washington DC. I was there for the Women's March and for the Inauguration, too. To put it mildly, the Women's March was one of the coolest things of my life. Being among 1.5 million people, women and men, young kids and elderly people, too – with the majority of them there to say, “I’m here. I’m here for myself and I’m here for you. I’m here for all of us!” Like, when I saw a sign that had something to do with LGBTQ rights I’d stop for a quick second and do something that might be equivalent to saying a silent prayer that my family would be protected. There were straight people holding signs promoting my equal rights. When I held up my sign that said I was marching for my marriage and for my baby girl I had straight people, both women and men, tell me that if this administration comes after my family they’ll be there to fight along side me. I’m (obviously) not black and I was screaming ‘Black Lives Matter!’ like my life depended on it – because it does. When any of my black sisters and brothers are discriminated against so am I! And let me be clear, yelling ‘Black Lives Matter!’ doesn’t mean that my life doesn’t, that police lives don’t or that anyone’s life doesn’t matter. That’s ridiculous.
So the march was awesome. And then, a week later the new President signs an executive order to ban of muslims. What the heck. How did that happen. How was that man elected as our President? What kind of world is Poppy coming in to. We will teach our daughter to love, be kind to, fight for and protest next to all people - not only those that look and think like her while her government has a different idea of that to teach our kids. Our President is making it hard to be proud to be an America right now but the silver lining - so many American's are making me proud (and yes, many aren't). American's are resisting. There are protests in every city. Representatives offices are being bombarded with phone calls. People have been woken up and they are acting. I mean, shit, last night Seatac was shut down by protesters! Incredible. Power to the people! So yeah, I am nervous about Poppy coming into this world but I can hardly wait to get her here! Only 11 weeks to go! She is 16 inches long and nearly 3 lbs.
Yesterday was an incredibly special day - I will remember it forever, no doubt.
I've never really understood family heirlooms - the idea of having something that belonged to a parent or a grandparent. Like, I remember when my grandma Jean died. My dad asked if there was anything I wanted - maybe something that would remind me of her. I didn't want anything. The only thing I needed was the novels of memories I had of her. All of the sleepovers at her house with late nights playing cards and 'court' and specialty pancakes in the morning. I remember the nutcracker and the annual outing to Lagoon. I remember her parties and her spunk. I didn't need anything of hers - she gave me so many memories that would make it impossible to forget her.
But my moms wedding ring! I have loved and admired that thing since I was little. She has told me throughout the years that I would get it when she dies - mostly because none of my siblings made a big deal out of it and I've gushed about it many times. I would talk about it with friends and I tried to draw a picture of it for an assignment in elementary school. And the thing is, I don't particularly like jewelry. And my moms ring is far from my style!
So - to put it mildly I was shocked when my mom gave me her ring a couple months ago. She gave it to me when Erin and I went to Utah for Memorial Day. We went with a group of friends to Moab and made a stop at home for a couple nights. It was uncomfortable to accept. She's told me I would get it after she died - but mom insisted and told me over and over that she doesn't wear it anymore because her hands hurt, sometimes get swollen and sometimes reacts to jewelry. She told me that she's starting to give some of her things away and that it was important to her to give me the ring.
I brought the ring back to to Seattle and spent a lot of time looking at it wondering what I was going to do with it. And then I decided. With moms approval, I decided I was going to make two rings with it, one for me and one for Erin - a Mothers Ring for both of us in preparation for Poppy's arrival.
With the help of a trusted jeweler, we decided to remove the diamond to put on another band for Erin and to make a few alterations to the original band for me. I received the call from the jeweler yesterday that they were finished and ready to pick up. I felt nervous driving to get them.
It didn't take more than a few seconds after laying eyes on them to have a most prized physical possession.
When I put on my new ring I felt strong. When I tried on the ring for Erin I became giddy thinking of her reaction. When I looked at them side by side and imagined us both wearing them holding our Poppy I completely broke down - right there in the store.
My mom wore her wedding ring as she cared for me as a baby - and as she cared for my siblings. She wore it as she dug in the dirt making our yard beautiful, as she trained for and ran all of her marathons and as she filled our home with music on the piano. She wore it as she taught me how to love myself, care for others and how to work hard. She wore this ring as she wiped away my tears when I came out to her. I remember mentioning (for maybe the millionth time) how much I loved her ring during that conversation. She wore the ring for longer than I've been alive and now I get to wear it.
My mom is my hero - despite everything. She seems to have magical powers. Somehow, even though she at times worked 5 jobs (at once), found ways to teach me and my siblings to love and like each other, how to serve by serving others herself, the importance of taking care of yourself and the importance of appreciating nature by training and running marathons - there is nothing my mom couldn't do. And now she is sick. She's been sick for 10+ years. She's tired and she hopes her time here is coming to an end. I can't blame her although the thought of her not being here is really hard.
But, for some reason, having her ring makes it a little easier. I have something that was with her as she did everything for me! And I get to wear it I attempt to do everything for Poppy.
And I have to mention, Erin's reaction was so sweet. I wrote a letter expressing the significance of the rings and we cried together as we looked at them on our fingers. We have felt ready to care for Poppy but for whatever reason we feel more ready and better equipped. :) I am so eager to see my moms diamond on my wife as she cares for our baby girl - and maybe we will pass the family heirloom to her someday.
The original ring
I have the band and Erin has the diamond
Oh, and today starts week 26! Poppy's eyes are opening this week and her adult tooth buds are developing.
Just like that 2016 is gone and the first day of 2017 only has a few more hours.
I am glad to start a new year. 2016 was good to me - and it was hard. The new political climate is hard to digest but aside from that I don't have many complaints. I am healthy, surrounded with love, have a fulfilling job and a baby on the way!
I'm not really good at resolutions. I like to pick words that guide my actions and this year my word is: INTENTIONAL. I will be intentional about how I use my time, how I treat myself and others. I will be more intentional about what I allow in my body - not just food but what I allow in my eyes and ears, too. I will be intentional about accepting the changes that are sure to come and I will be intentional about laughing at myself and forgiving myself when I fall short.
So - this year started in Costa Rica - the start of our belated Honeymoon and it ended in Roslyn, WA. We were there for Brenen and Lacey's winter wonderland wedding. We sure jammed a lot in 365 days! Costa Rica, New York, San Francisco, Vancouver BC a couple trips to Bliss and a handful to Utah - including one to Moab and another to watch Curtis get married (still can't believe it!), and I tacked on a couple solo work trips - Vegas twice, DC twice and Arizona (in the middle of summer - I thought I was going to melt). We both took leaps in our careers, became more dedicated to our health, we got a new nephew, made memories with friends and family, bought a couple cars, joined Harley in doggie bootcamp (in preparation for Poppy) and oh yeah, and we made a baby!
Like I said, the year ended in Roslyn, WA. It was a perfect place to say goodbye to 2016 and welcome 2017. We watched some of our favorite people get married on Dec 30th and there was so much love and kindness and SNOW at the wedding. It was a reminder of the goodness in the world despite the confusion and fear I have felt since election day. Not to mention, it was my first time attending a winter wedding - and I LOVED it! Snow makes everything feel particularly magical. The next morning, NYE, we went snowshoeing with Erica and Jacquie. Blue skies, new snow, grateful hearts and able bodies. Perfect conditions, no doubt. The rest of NYE was spent watching football, lounging around the hotel room and dinner with friends - and a snow storm. I think the earth was preparing for a clean start to 2017!
The Brides!
Poppy's second time snowshoeing this week!
We are back home now - we got here this morning - and it feels nice. We took down Christmas, spent time in Poppy's room moving things around, talked about how nice it feels in here, watched the Seahawks and had a homemade dinner together. We talked about the things we're going to do this year. This year is going to be the most life changing year to date and we both welcome the changes, the struggles, the growth and the indescribable fear that is associated with all of it.
364 days left this year - I will be intentional to make them the best that I can! And I'll do a lot of it holding my wife's hand!
It's true, we opened more presents for Poppy than we opened for ourselves. She totally scored and she's not even here yet! And I am totally annoying - I squealed every time we opened something for her - it's all so cute and soft and little. Little onesies, little pants, little (and SOFT) blankets. Erin is in for it!
We got back to Seattle around noon and slept most of the rest of the day away! Erin crashed on the couch and I went in to bed. I feel like I need a week nap to recover from the last couple days. We were up late nearly every night and up early and on the go in between. I laughed a lot and cried a lot, too. The tears were mostly tears of gratitude and happiness. I loved being home. It felt really special this year. I got to have two conversations with my mom that I'll never forget and we got to visit with grandma Carol and sing Christmas songs with her. I spent time with all of my siblings and with Tol, Addi, Ben and Wooly, too. AND it was the last Christmas not being a parent. I kept thinking of what it might be like next year. Wild.
A few weeks ago Erin asked me if I [still] worried that people in my family wouldn't feel [as much of] a connection with Poppy as the other kiddos because she won't be biologically related to me (years ago I mentioned that it was a fear of mine) and honestly I have continued to wonder about it a little bit. But man, after this week any wonder or fear or worry has been replaced with complete assurance and confidence and pride. I can't express how grateful I am to be apart of the crazy Nelson bunch and how grateful I am that Poppy will be apart of them, too!
A quick recap - we got into Utah on the 23rd, rented a car and drove straight to Park City for the Nelson Christmas party. It was snowy and beautiful and wonderful and so fun to be with the extended family. There was a lot of laughter, delicious food, Christmas songs and good conversation.
On Christmas Eve morning we celebrated mom's 60 birthday by making her breakfast and cleaning out the storage room. It seems like a lame present but that's what she wanted. There were a couple times I turned to Erin and vowed to stop holding on to stuff because I don't want our kids to clean out our future storage room and find junk that we've been holding on to for 20+ years. We agreed that storage rooms should be used for gear and holiday decorations and some kid stuff.
We carried on the gingerbread making party and Christmas jammie's at Jami's house that evening. Mine gingerbread house was a total bust. My house turned into a VW Bus. I think my dad won this year. He was totally into it.
After the houses Erin and I went back to my parents house to visit with my mom - she wasn't feeling up to Jami's house - and had a conversation I will never forget. We talked about her illness and the loneliness she feels. We talked about the past and laughed and cried a bit. We made plans to go on a trip to Canada - I want to take her on the ferry that takes you to Bliss Landing. I have seen some of the prettiest sights I've ever seen on that ferry. I had a hard time going to bed that night because I was overcome with emotion and so much love for my mom and my family - and for my own life. I also felt so thankful that I my mom mirrored that kind of mom I want to be to Poppy. I have confidence in my ability to be a good mom largely because of my own mom's example.
Christmas morning started at 6:30 for me. I drove back to Jami's and watched her kiddos open gifts while Erin slept. I wanted to be there - I wanted to see the look on their faces. And I'm so glad I did! We all went to church together. It was the first time I've been to a Mormon church unapologetically. I was actually proud to be there. I was there with my wife and my family. I wore slacks and a sweater and I felt comfortable. I smiled at the people when I received confused glances. I held Erin's hand and put my arm around her. I was myself. I was myself for the first time EVER inside of the church that I gave so much of myself to - and it was incredible. I felt free and powerful and beautiful. And I felt proud to be there with Erin.
We went home for cranberry muffins and presents and then a few of us went snowshoeing. I am so happy we did that. We went to Little Cottonwood Canyon and aside from it being breathtaking, it was nice to get out and about after eating so many sweets. Everyone contributed to Christmas dinner that night and it was delicious - and the meal ended with going around the table talking about the best part of 2016 and what we're most looking forward to for 2017.
The best part of 2016 for me was continuing to know that dreams can come true. I have a life that I didn't know existed a few years ago. I thought life was supposed to be hard and I didn't think I'd ever have what I have now. I didn't think I'd have a wife and kids were in my cards. And I never thought I'd have a job that I love as much as I love the job I have. It's taken mental practice but I've learned that my mind makes up a lot of my reality. There are a lot of hard things that happen in my life but the way I choose to deal with them makes all the difference. I feel incredibly blessed to have a greater understanding of the power of my mind - only because I've practiced using it! And for 2017 I am most looking forward to Poppy getting here! I feel as ready as I can feel because of the relationships I have in my life. I have Erin and I know we will work together well to raise our daughter. We are good teammates and we love each other so dang much. I have my parents who have mirrored good parenting to me and I have my siblings - and they do more for me than words could ever explain. So bring on 2017!
Yesterday we explored Salt Lake, visited Curt and Karina's new apartment and spent the evening at grandma's house. Another highlight of the trip was going to grandma's. It was nice to visit with her but the real treat was hearing my mom play the piano!
And now it is back to reality. We are home in Seattle. We are in our cozy little house with the Christmas lights on, candles lit, Harley in his bed and Erin's reading. It's nice to be home.
Life is good.
Now to share one of the best parts of the holiday. Singing around the piano!
One thing has been 100% agreed upon this week. We did a really good job deciding who was going to be the pregnant one! Erin is handling this like a champ. She is so much stronger than me, she doesn't complain, she works all day on her feet and still comes home and gives me time and asks if she can make me dinner. I mean seriously, who does that?! I'd be horrible at being pregnant. I'd complain and ask her to do everything for me. I'd have weird body issues and it'd take me forever to find something to wear. But not Erin - she's wonder woman! I am so thankful she is doing this for us!
Turns out I don't have to work for the rest of the year because I have unused vacation time that I didn't know about until last week. AWESOME and how the hell did I not know about vacation time?!?? We could have gone somewhere tropical or something. Oh well - it's nice to have a solo stay cation, I guess. I am getting things done! And today I got to spend a few hours with Sara and Harlowe. It was Sara's first day on her own so I was glad to show up and give them both some company AND to get a little insight on having a baby. I have been around babies my entire life but today as I was watching Sara and Harlowe I was like, holy shit, that's going to be me in a few months! So wild!
Some fun with Harley Boy on the days off!
Erin is doing well. She is tired - and rightfully so. This is her busiest time of year. 9 hours today, 10 hours tomorrow. Most days she is too busy to sit down and/or eat. And she does it all with a smile white growing a freaking human. Yesterday she could have gotten off early but she insisted on doing my hair at the end of her day - which I loved. I LOVE getting my hair done. Erin's head massages are to die for!
A few weeks ago I mentioned an idea about us writing and framing family values and/or a mission statement or something. My brother Nils gave me the idea. I know Erin and I share values and have similar hopes for our family and the future, etc but it feels good to check in and to write them out and eventually have them somewhere we can see everyday. So she asked if she could take me on a date Sunday morning. She purposefully made time to work on that together because it was important to me. We still need to wordsmith but we feel good about the initial draft.
In the last few weeks I've also mentioned that I want to find a church or some kind of spiritual home for us. So for the second part of our date we went to church - a church that she researched and thought might fit what we're looking for. This particular church serves more than 3,000 meals to homeless people EVERY WEEK and they do a lot of other things in our community, too. So awesome. And so awesome that Erin heard what I feel I need and made an effort to make it happen. I am one lucky lady to have Erin.
We also made time to check out the progress of our town home that is being built in Crown Hill. There were two homes on this lot a week ago. Now it's completely empty and ready to have some homes built on it. We are eager to watch the progression of the project and even more eager to make memories with each other and our growing family and friends in this spot.
We leave for Utah on Friday and we're excited to spend time with my family - and to have a white Christmas. The kids - Tol, Ad and Ben make Christmas feel magical. Next year Nils Wooly and Poppy will add to the excitement!
This time of year feels like magic. The lights, the music, the snow - combined with conversations of little Poppy being apart of all the festivities next year.
Poppy is the length of a spaghetti squash this week and hit the 1 lbs mark. She's long and skinny. I get to feel her move everyday and Erin's baby bump is getting bigger. I'm obsessed with all of it.
A few things this week - Harlowe Rose was born on Wednesday night which means Sara and Emily are new parents to the most beautiful little girl. I'm convinced that little Lolo is going to be good friends with our Poppy and that makes me giddy and excited. It gives me confidence that our world is going to be okay - perfect little people are being born and they are being raised by good people.
We purchased a crib, lamb sheets and a fox stuff animal last week. The lamb sheets and fox combo just about kill me - cutest thing I've ever seen! We got all of it at Baby's R Us. The crib came in a big box, we brought it home and put it together in our front room. We were so dang excited to get it and move it to Poppy's room. Thing is - it was too big to get through the doorway. Haha - we put it together, took it apart and then put it together again. It's wild to have a crib in our home. I sit and stare and wonder what this little girl is going to be like and how she's going to change our world!
We went and cut down our christmas tree this year. It was my first time cutting one down and I completely loved it. I've been wanted to do it the last couple years and this year we felt more determined to make the trek because it feels particularly important to start a few traditions. I'm convinced that Poppy will love joining us for our Ucut Christmas Tree outing next year and beyond. The tree is now up and decorated and it makes our home feel cozy. We have a few other Christmas decorations up and a few candles. I love our home this time of year.
And today we got home from a weekend in Vancouver to celebrate Christmas early with Erin's extended family. It's become one of my favorite traditions. I adore Vancouver - charming town, nice people, good food - and Erin's family is so fun! We stay in an old historic hotel right on the English Bay which is pretty close to Stanley Park and hit the town for dinner. Erin and I visited Vancouver for Pride 4 years ago - right after we started dating and this morning we walked by a memorable location from that trip. It's incredible to reflect on the last 4 years. It's hard to believe that all of it has lead us to right now.
Life feels really good right now. It feels special and tender and meaningful. We are surrounded by so much love and kindness. My tank is full.
This is without a doubt the most wonderful time of the year!
We have received our wedding video in pieces. Here's the first two. We are waiting for the last. We love these so much - it captures some of our favorite moments of our day. Our wedding is a special memory - AND we wish everyone could have been there. We believe that if people were able to experience the love we have for each other hearts and minds would change about LGBT families - and that life for Poppy would be a little better and easier.
Enjoy taking a peak into our wedding day. :) Also, Matt Johnson is incredible!
Like, when I saw a sign that had something to do with LGBTQ rights I’d stop for a quick second and do something that might be equivalent to saying a silent prayer that my family would be protected. There were straight people holding signs promoting my equal rights. When I held up my sign that said I was marching for my marriage and for my baby girl I had straight people, both women and men, tell me that if this administration comes after my family they’ll be there to fight along side me. I’m (obviously) not black and I was screaming ‘Black Lives Matter!’ like my life depended on it – because it does. When any of my black sisters and brothers are discriminated against so am I! And let me be clear, yelling ‘Black Lives Matter!’ doesn’t mean that my life doesn’t, that police lives don’t or that anyone’s life doesn’t matter. That’s ridiculous. 
