4 weeks and 6 days to go

Goodness. We are so close to the finish line!

A quick recap with some deep diving on certain topics.

Kolby and Johnny were here last week for a couple days and it was great to have them. It's incredibly special to spend time with the person who helped us get pregnant. Kolby has given us the best gift we've ever received - two of the best gifts, actually. Our baby girl AND Johnny! <3

Talking to Kolby brought up a lot of pain from the past and helped remind me of things I had forgotten. As we talked about our college days (a little about how we met and how Erin and I got pregnant here) I realized how little I remember from that time in my life. I don't remember all the places I lived, I don't remember any of the classes I took, I don't remember a lot of the friends I had or who I lived with. But you better believe I remember all my bishops names, what time my church services started, the times I could attend the temple - and I remember - and could still recite - a lot of the scriptures that I was told to read. My college days are a blur because I was in complete survival mode and spending the majority of my time going to church and reading scriptures trying to change myself. I tried so hard to change who I was - so much so that I hardly have any memories of a place I spent 7 years. 

Then two days after Kolby left I talked to my first girlfriend on the phone. I hadn't heard her voice in like 10 years or something.  Our conversation was completely out of the blue and in a weird way it was totally therapeutic. Our conversation further confirmed that my days in Logan are blurry. She also helped remind me of things that I had forgotten and she helped fill in gaps that I haven't been able to fill on my own for the last decade. Our relationship was traumatic for both of us - we were both closeted, mostly because I was still trying to be a good member of the church which means there was no authentic living for me! She finally had enough of the lying and came out. I was so envious of her freedom which pushed me to start (the very long process) of coming out. I hadn't had the chance to thank her for blazing the path for me until a few days ago.  I am incredibly grateful for our conversation and for who she has been in my life and what she has symbolized throughout the years. Talking to her was long overdue and good for the heart.

Then, to top all of that off I got visitors from the Mormon church - my Home Teachers (who I hadn't met) - at my house on Thursday night. I invited them in because of course - that's what I do! So they come in and within a few seconds they tell me they can help me get out of my situation (aka my marriage) and back on the path of righteousness. To put it mildly, it didn't end well and they weren't invited back.

Perhaps this was a little immature or whatever but after they left I exposed the experience online via Facebook.

Chelsea Nelson

March 9 at 8:20pm · 

I don't mean to blast the religion I grew up in but I also feel like I have to expose what just happened. Leaders from the Mormon church came to my house today and told me they could help me get out of my situation (aka my marriage) and back on the path of righteousness. 

Can anyone think of anything more outrageous, disrespectful or ridiculous?

To put it mildly, they weren't invited to come back.

and I got this gem of a message in response.

Ouch! Erin and I were watching TV and I got a little notification that I got a private message. I read this message and for a moment I froze. It stung. Like my insides were really stinging for a couple seconds. But then, after a few minutes passed and being intentional about acknowledging all the love in my life, my own spirituality, my relationship with god and my growing family I was able to brush it off (brushing it off doesn't mean the stinging goes away).

For whatever reason the church, and the pain I've felt over the years associated with it, has shown up in full force this last week. I am so incredibly grateful that I feel confident in myself and who I am. Some of it has been sad - realizing again that I missed out on a lot of my life - but I feel so much love from myself, from Erin and from the people who are around me. I belong to a pretty incredible army! My heart is full.

Speaking of army, last Sunday we had a baby shower for Poppy AND we had maternity pictures taken. A few things - we have the best people in our lives and our baby girl is already so loved and spoiled.  Erin and I feel incredibly lucky, loved, blessed and ready!

Last thing for the week -we finished a 15 hour labor and delivery course yesterday. It was 5 hours for the last 3 Saturdays - long but worth it. Before the class started we both felt a bit anxious and unsure but now we are feel confident for what's about to happen. One thing is for sure, Erin is tough as nails and I continue to be in awe.

Also - I got a few head shots/lifestyle shots so I might as well share a couple. I mean, I don't know where else I'll be able to show them off. :)

Kristi Waite is an incredible photographer!

Baby daddy meets Poppy

I was a couple seconds late - but this video almost captures the moment Kolby and Johnny felt Poppy move for the first time - and it was the best!

These two drove all the way from Philly and arrived in Seattle last night. We had a glass - okay maybe a bottle (or two) of wine,  ate a delicious dinner (that Erin made) and talked and talked and talked. We talked about our family dynamic and we expressed our individual gratitude for collectively planning and preparing for Poppy. I cried as I thanked him - Kolby has helped Erin and I do something that we couldn't do on our own and he's done it without expectations. He has been so kind and gracious and selfless. Even more, he wants to join us in loving her and being a part of her village. We are grateful that our daughter will know her dad - and we are grateful that he is such a kind, loving and compassionate man.

We purchased Poppy's dresser/changing table and when it arrived we had to put it together. Here's to hoping putting that damn furniture together is the hardest part of parenthood. Good god, if a couple can build ikea like furniture I am convinced they can get through almost anything. It is so frustrating! Kolby learned that we hate putting it together and told us that next time we get anything that requires assembly that we should wait until his next trip out and have him do it. Done.

We had our first baby shower on Sunday. Goodness gracious, Poppy scored. She is a spoiled baby already. We have another shower this Sunday. Sure, it's fun to get baby stuff because we need it and all of it is so dang little and cute but more than anything we feel the love and support from our family and friends. Blessed doesn't begin to express how have felt through our entire pregnancy.

Erin continues to be a champion. She is still working 8 hours a day on her feet without complaint. She is becoming more uncomfortable and is having a harder time sleeping but neither of those things are slowing her down. She's a hero, no doubt.

Our labor classes have been interesting. We practice coping techniques, watch different types of labors, learn about medications and different positions to manage pain. I cry most of the time. We joke that Erin will be comforting me rather than me comforting her during the process. I cry because all of it is so amazing to me. I want to high-five every woman that has ever given birth. It's incredible to me what they go through. I am nervous about seeing Erin in pain - she is confident she wants to this without an epidural. Her strength and what she is willing to go through for our baby is quite remarkable. Erin is remarkable.

Only 6.5 more weeks until we get to meet her. Wow. Shit is getting REAL.

9 Weeks To Go!

My valentine is at work (while growing a baby for us) and I'm on the couch in my sweats relaxing thinking about her. And I'm awed.

Erin is a hairstylist - so she is on her feet all day. She often times works 10 hours in a day without a break - sometimes without much time to use the bathroom (which is a pain for pregnant women) - and then comes home and wants to cooks for me, hang out with me, is so loving and kind and then wakes up and does it all again. And I should mention that most days she participants in a cross fit workout before going to work. I don't know how she does it. And I don't know why she continues to choose me - but I'm so glad she does!

Hawaii was great. We relaxed. We laid by the pool. We got in the ocean. We went whale watching. I got super sunburnt (15spf DOES NOT WORK). Erin rocked her baby bump in her bikini and I freaked out because she was the cutest! We shared our hopes and worries about becoming parents. I made a playlist for Poppy. We ate a lot of seafood. We bought Poppy a romper and I about died because it was the cutest thing I'd ever seen. We ran into friends and we ate good food.




And after all of that we still had alone time which felt important to me. My thoughts have been going a mile a minute for the last while and having time to sort through those thoughts was good. Thoughts about all the relationships in my life and how they impact me and how I want to show up in them. I know that being a parent is going to change a lot of them naturally. I thought about how I am currently using my time and how time management seems like it will be more important after Poppy gets here than ever before. I want to have time to pursue my own dreams, to shower Erin with love, to maintain and strengthen other relationships all while being a good mom.  I don't buy into the rhetoric that mine and Erin's lives will be put on hold after we become parents. I know my life will change AND that I will still do big things. I will teach Poppy to be as ambitious as she wants to be and to work to accomplish her dreams not by my words alone but by my example too. But who knows - she might get here and all of these thoughts I'm having could go out the window. blah blah blah blah blah haha. I have no idea what I'm talking about. I mean, these days I see her rolling around when I look at Erin's belly and I'm completely smitten and feel like I could just stare all day. What in the world?!

Thank goodness I still have some time to think about all of this stuff. We are 31 weeks along. 9 to go. But 37 weeks is considered full term so she could be here in 6 weeks. I kinda hope she is. I want to meet her already.

Last Hurrah

Well, I think this is the last Chelsea and Erin hurrah.  We are on an airplane headed to Hawaii to have the last real vacation as a family of 2.  We have plans for a weekend getaway over my birthday but this is different. And it feels a little bitter sweet.

I won’t get all gushy over Erin. Actually, never mind, I will.  Basically, just to put it out there - Erin is the best thing in my life, hands down. She is kind and compassionate, she is patient, she is always up for an adventure and she’s the best listener. She’s incredibly humble and such a hard worker, she is always pushing herself to learn more and be better.  And goodness gracious, she is beautiful! Erin has taught me that life can be simple even when it feels complicated. And I'll tell you what, I like to make things complicated - it's what I was used to growing up so learning that life can be simple was HUGE for me! Erin has helped me learn to trust myself and trust that things will end up okay – even if they end up different than I originally hoped and thought they would. She hears all my crazy thoughts and ideas and my needs and my wants and she’s affirming to (most of) them. She makes me feel smart and capable -like I can accomplish anything – and seriously, I feel like I can because of her. It’s amazing what happens when you have a person that has complete faith in you!

Erin and I don’t see each other that much because of our separate schedules but when we do we essentially do whatever we want. We go to Hawaii (with some extra planning of course), take a nap or go for a hike, pull out the bikes or walk to the beach, go to the bar or out for a nice meal, or do our separate things. We currently have the freedom to do whatever we want and love each other in a fun, spontaneous kind of way. So – yeah, it feels bitter sweet that our time together is changing.

We are going to soak up every ounce of love and sun for the next 8 days!  I don’t know if I am more excited for the beach or to see Erin’s baby bump in a bathing suit – I might die. We will reminisce about the last 5 years of loving each other, the last 18 months of being married, the last 30 weeks of being pregnant and then try to brainstorm ideas about how we’re going to raise a baby while continuing to be individual people that push ourselves and each other while continuing to support and build our marriage and love each other in the ways that makes the other feel special and loved. What the hell have we gotten ourselves into?

Wait. I just looked at Erin rubbing her belly. I remember now.

I can’t wait to meet our Poppy! 10 more weeks! AHHHH! 

Women's March

Goodness gracious, I have had every intention to write a blog post every day for the past week but my emotions have changed minute to minute making it nearly impossible.

I'm going to make this quick because my wife is trying to fall asleep next to me but I can't let another day go by without somewhat capturing my thoughts.

Last week I was in Washington DC. I was there for the Women's March and for the Inauguration, too. To put it mildly, the Women's March was one of the coolest things of my life. Being among 1.5 million people, women and men, young kids and elderly people, too – with the majority of them there to say, “I’m here. I’m here for myself and I’m here for you. I’m here for all of us!” 
Like, when I saw a sign that had something to do with LGBTQ rights I’d stop for a quick second and do something that might be equivalent to saying a silent prayer that my family would be protected. There were straight people holding signs promoting my equal rights. When I held up my sign that said I was marching for my marriage and for my baby girl I had straight people, both women and men, tell me that if this administration comes after my family they’ll be there to fight along side me.  I’m (obviously) not black and I was screaming ‘Black Lives Matter!’ like my life depended on it – because it does. When any of my black sisters and brothers are discriminated against so am I! And let me be clear, yelling ‘Black Lives Matter!’ doesn’t mean that my life doesn’t, that police lives don’t or that anyone’s life doesn’t matter. That’s ridiculous. 

So the march was awesome. 

And then, a week later the new President signs an executive order to ban of muslims. What the heck. How did that happen. How was that man elected as our President? What kind of world is Poppy coming in to. We will teach our daughter to love, be kind to, fight for and protest next to all people - not only those that look and think like her while her government has a different idea of that to teach our kids.

Our President is making it hard to be proud to be an America right now but the silver lining - so many American's are making me proud (and yes, many aren't). American's are resisting. There are protests in every city. Representatives offices are being bombarded with phone calls. People have been woken up and they are acting. I mean, shit, last night Seatac was shut down by protesters! Incredible. Power to the people!

So yeah, I am nervous about Poppy coming into this world but I can hardly wait to get her here! Only 11 weeks to go! She is 16 inches long and nearly 3 lbs. 

Family Heirlooms

Yesterday was an incredibly special day - I will remember it forever, no doubt.

I've never really understood family heirlooms - the idea of having something that belonged to a parent or a grandparent. Like, I remember when my grandma Jean died. My dad asked if there was anything I wanted - maybe something that would remind me of her. I didn't want anything. The only thing I needed was the novels of memories I had of her. All of the sleepovers at her house with late nights playing cards and 'court' and specialty pancakes in the morning. I remember the nutcracker and the annual outing to Lagoon. I remember her parties and her spunk. I didn't need anything of hers - she gave me so many memories that would make it impossible to forget her.

But my moms wedding ring! I have loved and admired that thing since I was little. She has told me throughout the years that I would get it when she dies - mostly because none of my siblings made a big deal out of it and I've gushed about it many times. I would talk about it with friends and I tried to draw a picture of it for an assignment in elementary school. And the thing is, I don't particularly like jewelry. And my moms ring is far from my style!

So - to put it mildly I was shocked when my mom gave me her ring a couple months ago. She gave it to me when Erin and I went to Utah for Memorial Day. We went with a group of friends to Moab and made a stop at home for a couple nights. It was uncomfortable to accept. She's told me I would get it after she died - but mom insisted and told me over and over that she doesn't wear it anymore because her hands hurt, sometimes get swollen and sometimes reacts to jewelry. She told me that she's starting to give some of her things away and that it was important to her to give me the ring. 

I brought the ring back to to Seattle and spent a lot of time looking at it wondering what I was going to do with it. And then I decided. With moms approval, I decided I was going to make two rings with it, one for me and one for Erin - a Mothers Ring for both of us in preparation for Poppy's arrival. 

With the help of a trusted jeweler, we decided to remove the diamond to put on another band for Erin and to make a few alterations to the original band for me.  I received the call from the jeweler yesterday that they were finished and ready to pick up. I felt nervous driving to get them. 

It didn't take more than a few seconds after laying eyes on them to have a most prized physical possession. 

When I put on my new ring I felt strong. When I tried on the ring for Erin I became giddy thinking of her reaction. When I looked at them side by side and imagined us both wearing them holding our Poppy I completely broke down - right there in the store.

My mom wore her wedding ring as she cared for me as a baby - and as she cared for my siblings. She wore it as she dug in the dirt making our yard beautiful, as she trained for and ran all of her marathons and as she filled our home with music on the piano. She wore it as she taught me how to love myself, care for others and how to work hard. She wore this ring as she wiped away my tears when I came out to her. I remember mentioning (for maybe the millionth time) how much I loved her ring during that conversation. She wore the ring for longer than I've been alive and now I get to wear it. 

My mom is my hero - despite everything. She seems to have magical powers. Somehow, even though she at times worked 5 jobs (at once), found ways to teach me and my siblings to love and like each other, how to serve by serving others herself, the importance of taking care of yourself and the importance of appreciating nature by training and running marathons - there is nothing my mom couldn't do. And now she is sick. She's been sick for 10+ years. She's tired and she hopes her time here is coming to an end. I can't blame her although the thought of her not being here is really hard.

But, for some reason, having her ring makes it a little easier. I have something that was with her as she did everything for me! And I get to wear it I attempt to do everything for Poppy. 

And I have to mention, Erin's reaction was so sweet. I wrote a letter expressing the significance of the rings and we cried together as we looked at them on our fingers. We have felt ready to care for Poppy but for whatever reason we feel more ready and better equipped. :) I am so eager to see my moms diamond on my wife as she cares for our baby girl - and maybe we will pass the family heirloom to her someday.

The original ring

I have the band and Erin has the diamond

Oh, and today starts week 26! Poppy's eyes are opening this week and her adult tooth buds are developing. 

Intentional

Just like that 2016 is gone and the first day of 2017 only has a few more hours.

I am glad to start a new year. 2016 was good to me - and it was hard. The new political climate is hard to digest but aside from that I don't have many complaints. I am healthy, surrounded with love, have a fulfilling job and a baby on the way!

I'm not really good at resolutions. I like to pick words that guide my actions and this year my word is: INTENTIONAL. I will be intentional about how I use my time, how I treat myself and others. I will be more intentional about what I allow in my body - not just food but what I allow in my eyes and ears, too. I will be intentional about accepting the changes that are sure to come and I will be intentional about laughing at myself and forgiving myself when I fall short.

So - this year started in Costa Rica - the start of our belated Honeymoon and it ended in Roslyn, WA. We were there for Brenen and Lacey's winter wonderland wedding. We sure jammed a lot in 365 days! Costa Rica, New York, San Francisco, Vancouver BC  a couple trips to Bliss and a handful to Utah - including one to Moab and another to watch Curtis get married (still can't believe it!), and I tacked on a couple solo work trips - Vegas twice, DC twice and Arizona (in the middle of summer - I thought I was going to melt). We both took leaps in our careers, became more dedicated to our health,  we got a new nephew, made memories with friends and family, bought a couple cars, joined Harley in doggie bootcamp (in preparation for Poppy) and oh yeah, and we made a baby!

Like I said, the year ended in Roslyn, WA. It was a perfect place to say goodbye to 2016 and welcome 2017. We watched some of our favorite people get married on Dec 30th and there was so much love and kindness and SNOW at the wedding. It was a reminder of the goodness in the world despite the confusion and fear I have felt since election day. Not to mention, it was my first time attending a winter wedding - and I LOVED it! Snow makes everything feel particularly magical. The next morning, NYE, we went snowshoeing with Erica and Jacquie. Blue skies, new snow, grateful hearts and able bodies. Perfect conditions, no doubt. The rest of NYE was spent watching football, lounging around the hotel room and dinner with friends - and a snow storm. I think the earth was preparing for a clean start to 2017!

The Brides! 

Poppy's second time snowshoeing this week!

We are back home now - we got here this morning - and it feels nice. We took down Christmas, spent time in Poppy's room moving things around, talked about how nice it feels in here, watched the Seahawks and had a homemade dinner together. We talked about the things we're going to do this year. This year is going to be the most life changing year to date and we both welcome the changes, the struggles, the growth and the indescribable fear that is associated with all of it.

364 days left this year - I will be intentional to make them the best that I can! And I'll do a lot of it holding my wife's hand!