WTF. We Made a Baby

On August 7, 2016 we woke up in Roche Harbor - we were at Merry and Ashley's wedding. We were excited to be there and to celebrate the beautiful couple! Erin woke up at 5am - I was already awake when she got up - as she walked to the bathroom I yelled out, "pee on the stick!" I startled her - she was half asleep. I waited in bed. Erin opened the door and told me to come. She shoved a pregnancy test in my face. It was positive. The world froze. I'm going to be a mom. And I get to do it with Erin.

Then I danced. I am going to be a mom. And I get to do it with Erin!



I intend to write about the process. I don't want to forget any of the details AND I want to continue to remind myself that dreams come true. Also, I want my babies to have documentation about this journey, I want them to know how much they are already loved and how they are already the luckiest to have Erin as a mother.

But let's back up.

Let's start with our sperm donor.

So - it isn't a secret that I've wanted to a mom longer than I can remember. When I came out of the closet the hardest part was thinking I couldn't be a mom. I didn't know I could be gay and be a mom. The bubble I lived in still amazes me. My heart broke over and over thinking about the future because when I thought about it, it didn't involve kids. I wanted it to I just didn't know how it could. But then I shared those thoughts with my friend Kolby the summer after my sophomore year of college - Kolby is also a gay Mormon - and he eased my fears and told me that it was possible. He told me that when I was ready to have kids he'd help me. I thought about that conversation with Kolby many times throughout the years and held on to the hope he gave me.

When Erin and I decided we wanted kids we went back and forth about wanting to have an anonymous or known donor. People told us things would get messy if we knew the donor. What if the donor wanted to take the kid? Or what if he wanted to have a say in what happens with the kid? Valid fears but that didn't feel right to either of us. We want our kid(s) to have as many people as possible to love and support them and we want them to know their dad. So one night I mentioned Kolby. I went on and on about him and Erin was just as excited as I was. So I emailed him. Keep in mind, aside keeping tabs on each other on social media, we hadn't spoken in 5+ years...

On Feb 5, 2016 I sent this:

Hi Kolby,

I hope this email finds you happy, healthy and enjoying life the way I know you like to. 

So, there is no easy/comfortable way to ask what I am about to ask so I’ll just get to it. My wife and I are wanting to have a baby and we are looking for a sperm donor and are curious if that is something you’d consider. You’re the first person on the list and there are a lot of reasons why – reasons we would be happy to share if you’re interested in knowing them.  

If there is any consideration perhaps we could schedule some calls or fly you out here or we’d come to you to have conversations about what this could/would mean, the process, etc.

I realize there might be a lot to think about so no pressure on getting back to us immediately. Regardless of how this moves forward, I have nothing but love and respect for you! Obviously, I'm asking for your sperm! Haha

Four days later we got a response:

Hey Mrs. and Mrs. Chelsea and Erin,

First off, congratulations to the both of you on your amazing accomplishments! I felt like I was on your honeymoon as I followed your invigorating getaway. I'm glad you survived the waves at Jaco Beach. 

Secondly, I must say that this email came as a surprise when I first read it this weekend while I was at a picture perfect winter wonderland lesbian wedding in Vermont. The setting was really quite appropriate. But somehow I've never forgotten the fun loving yet serious summer '06 conversation we had about me being your sperm donor someday. You were the first and last person I've ever consciously/sub-consciously considered.

While it took great inhibitions to not whimsically respond to your message right away, I felt it more respectful for all of us that I mull it over in my head a few days. I'm really glad that I have. I've had some unsuspected feelings come up that I couldn't have planned, and suspect it's normal to encounter such feelings around the incredible creation of life.

I'm humbled for my consideration. I would be  honored to be involved in blessing a child with you as their moms. I've always thought that Chelsea would make a great mother, and I don't think she could've chosen a more

beautiful bride than Erin.

Lastly, I wouldn't be honest if I didn't tell you that this decision would have a profound impact on my life. The most staggering implication I've experienced so far is a consistent, uncontrolled aspiration to raise my bar and do and be me just a little better. While a single and positive example, it illustrates the magnitude of influence and the importance of adaptability amongst affected parties.

Regardless of how this moves forward, I have nothing but love and respect for you! Obviously, I'm considering giving you my sperm! Haha 😘

Kolby Kent Nelson


I read the email to Erin. We both got a little teary. I mean, the way he expresses himself is beautiful! We immediately started talking about how we hope our baby gets his talents of expression! Erin said something about loving him already. If I wasn't secure in my relationship, I might feel a little threatened. :)

That was the start of an amazing conversation which eventually led to Kolby becoming a part of our growing family. He made a trip to Seattle and stayed for a week, donated sperm and made us giddy excited! We are humbled he was so willing to help us expand our family - truly the greatest gift we've ever received - and we are delighted that he will be apart of our lives forever!

This was the first time Erin met Kolby in person. She kept checking him out - she even noticed his toes, haha

Fast forward to Friday, July 22nd. We had to pick up the sperm at the lab because we were going to inseminate on the following Sunday. We were out of town - in Walla Walla. We hurried home to get to the clinic before it closed. It was a pretty funny experience. 

Our first family photo. The tank is perfectly strapped in in the back.

A 35 lbs tank for a tiny vile of sperm.

Now fast forward to July 24, 2016. We woke up early so we could have a little time to ourselves. We talked about what kind of parents we want to be (for maybe the millionth time) and how our lives will never be the same. It was such a special morning - and then we took this video minutes before the midwife came.

We have been working with our midwife for a couple of months. I highly recommend a midwife for lesbian couples who are trying to get pregnant. She came to our house - which was awesome. It felt so special and intimate.  I kept having thoughts of amazement - how the hell does sperm and an egg create a child. It blows my mind. But it obviously works because hello! We're pregnant!

It felt like quite the science project. We opened the tank and it started to smoke. 

So we took the contents in that tiny little vile, put it in Erin and just like that, we're pregnant! WTF. The procedure we used, if you're interested, is called intrauterine insemination - or IUI. Look it up!

To say we are excited would be the understatement of the year.

I am so grateful for Erin - she has been so diligent in learning about her body. This ovulation thing is no joke. We had to get it perfectly - we had one shot - we don't have the luxury of an unlimited amount of sperm. The way Erin has tracked her cycle, the way she has cared for herself, for me and for our future kid(s) is amazing. Marrying Erin is the best thing I have ever done - and the best thing I will ever do - and this experience has reconfirmed that many times.

This weekend is our 1 year wedding anniversary and it feels particularly special now that we know we have a little one on the way. We've gone through a lot already - have had things to work through, have learned about forgiveness and patience - and we've had more fun and have made incredible memories to last a lifetime.

I am loving this moment AND I am so eager to meet that little thing that is growing in her belly.

Until next time...